I've been on Plenty of Fish for about a month now and not really had much success, though I'm not going to whinge nor get upset about that in particular (I still like a friends assessment that a site like this is a good way to "kiss alot of frogs").
My profile didn't, until recently, mention the fact that I am trans, I honestly and totally believed that this was patently obvious from the pictures I'd uploaded. There are two very clear shots of my face with no editing or clever lighting, and I thought these should be enough for me to be read.
Apparently I was wrong (which is in many respects a good thing) and I've had two slightly upsetting reactions from people when they have realised, though really I shouldn't have been surprised as the old adage about "if something is too good to be true, it probably isn't" definitely applied in both cases.
In the first incident the woman concerned simply stopped chatting, no explanation, no "sorry, I'm not interested", just disconnected!
So, I added a paragraph to my profile explaining that I'm a trans-woman but that I don't make a big deal out of it.
When someone then started chatting/flirting with me after that point it didn't occur to me that they might not have read my profile so I just assumed they really did like me (well, okay I still had some doubts, I have never in my entire life had anyone just declare that they thought I was hot or attractive in any way). But, no, just another case of me not being read.
I can understand someone not liking how I look, or my hobbies, personality, in fact any number of things. Certainly for on-line dating you're pretty much just going on looks and I really don't think I'm stunning enough in any way to attract lots of people to read my profile. Again, I don't have a problem with this, I make exactly the same judgements on people I look it.
I think what is upsetting is when all of that seems fine; someone has looked at real pictures of me and decided they do like what they see. Then they chat a little and like what they hear (or read I guess). Everything can be fine right up until the point where you say "I'm trans" and then it's all different. That hurts. Nothing else matters from that point on, it's all completely over-shadowed and there's that awkward silence where I just know the other person is trying to get away as fast as possible.
What a horrible and insensitive way to treat someone.
Thankfully not everyone is like that so I have had some quite nice chats with people and I'm very grateful for that. I'm also immensely thankful for the wonderful and supportive friends I have - you're all fab!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, 27 May 2011
Monday, 1 November 2010
On the Up
Well, the recent weeks have been full of downs and some ups, now thankfully the latter seems to have caught up and I'm getting back on track.
Again, I won't go into a large amount of detail about all the relationship stuff but, suffice to say, that it was, at least in part actually my fault. I should have explained my feelings a bit more clearly and honestly to those concerned and that would have avoided alot of upset. In my defence I didn't fully know what I felt, but that's still not much of an excuse.
In other news I have had a rather more open conversation with my Dad and it seems like there is a chance for us to meet in the coming months! I'm really not sure this has fully hit me yet, I was over-joyed to even be talking about 'me' and to know that I could soon be seeing my parents is just overwhelming.
I want to write more about all of this but, after a busy weekend, I'm rather tired so will have to leave that to another day when I feel more coherent and awake than I do now.
[ P.S. There was a TV show in the early 90s called On The Up, I use to love that, must see if I can get the DVDs ]
Again, I won't go into a large amount of detail about all the relationship stuff but, suffice to say, that it was, at least in part actually my fault. I should have explained my feelings a bit more clearly and honestly to those concerned and that would have avoided alot of upset. In my defence I didn't fully know what I felt, but that's still not much of an excuse.
In other news I have had a rather more open conversation with my Dad and it seems like there is a chance for us to meet in the coming months! I'm really not sure this has fully hit me yet, I was over-joyed to even be talking about 'me' and to know that I could soon be seeing my parents is just overwhelming.
I want to write more about all of this but, after a busy weekend, I'm rather tired so will have to leave that to another day when I feel more coherent and awake than I do now.
[ P.S. There was a TV show in the early 90s called On The Up, I use to love that, must see if I can get the DVDs ]
Monday, 18 October 2010
Question of Attraction
I've been thinking about attraction, particularly how this relates, or more than likely doesn't, to me. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people who I know that have been actually attracted in any way shape or form and this isn't a very comforting thought. Recent events have made me ponder what it is that I'm doing wrong? There must be something either I'm missing or that I simply don't have!
My friends tell me I'm really nice and that I look good, I'd even concede that I'm reasonably stylish (or at least try to be) so I can't really see that I'm doing anything obviously wrong. But still, there must be something about me that, at best, says "friend", rather than "girlfriend". I just don't have it, whatever "it" is.
[ For reference, this is my profile on Gaydar Girls, I didn't think it looked *that* bad, and it is totally honest - maybe too honest? ]
I don't really want to whinge and complain, I'm lucky in lots of ways, and it seems a bit wrong to be whining about this, but, to be brutally honest, my self esteem has taken some rather vicious knocks recently so I desperately feel the need to vent a little. I won't go into the full gory details but here's the brief summary: was trying to 'date' someone, became apparent she was not attracted to me, obviously bit upset about that, never mind got a new friend at least, introduce to house-mate (also my ex*), flirting followed (right in front of me), arranging to meet but excluding me, and generally carrying on like they are dating.
* - and to add insult to injury, even though we'd split, and most definitely would not be getting back together, we still had a bit of a complicated "friends with benefits" relationship. Oh, and further salt rubbed into the wound by the fact that my ex stated that she "wasn't interested" in dating this person and that she "wouldn't want to do anything to hurt me" either. Okay, I know that you can't always control who you love/lust-after but in these kind of circumstances a degree of discretion is usual, the open flirting in front of me was probably a little unfair then!
I know going on about this isn't entirely attractive either but really and truly I do need to know what is wrong with me. If I'm destined to have this kind of crap happening to me all the time then I'd kind of like to know why and then at least there will be a reason and I won't have to feel as bad about myself as I do now.
My friends tell me I'm really nice and that I look good, I'd even concede that I'm reasonably stylish (or at least try to be) so I can't really see that I'm doing anything obviously wrong. But still, there must be something about me that, at best, says "friend", rather than "girlfriend". I just don't have it, whatever "it" is.
[ For reference, this is my profile on Gaydar Girls, I didn't think it looked *that* bad, and it is totally honest - maybe too honest? ]
I don't really want to whinge and complain, I'm lucky in lots of ways, and it seems a bit wrong to be whining about this, but, to be brutally honest, my self esteem has taken some rather vicious knocks recently so I desperately feel the need to vent a little. I won't go into the full gory details but here's the brief summary: was trying to 'date' someone, became apparent she was not attracted to me, obviously bit upset about that, never mind got a new friend at least, introduce to house-mate (also my ex*), flirting followed (right in front of me), arranging to meet but excluding me, and generally carrying on like they are dating.
* - and to add insult to injury, even though we'd split, and most definitely would not be getting back together, we still had a bit of a complicated "friends with benefits" relationship. Oh, and further salt rubbed into the wound by the fact that my ex stated that she "wasn't interested" in dating this person and that she "wouldn't want to do anything to hurt me" either. Okay, I know that you can't always control who you love/lust-after but in these kind of circumstances a degree of discretion is usual, the open flirting in front of me was probably a little unfair then!
I know going on about this isn't entirely attractive either but really and truly I do need to know what is wrong with me. If I'm destined to have this kind of crap happening to me all the time then I'd kind of like to know why and then at least there will be a reason and I won't have to feel as bad about myself as I do now.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
In Two Minds
The past few weeks have been incredibly busy and have had lots of ups and downs. I've had so much to deal with and, at times have felt completely overwhelmed by what has been happening. I've been practical and sometimes not when dealing with everything that has been thrown at me. Some of it has been a huge disappointment and some just seems so unfair and cruel. There have been several occasions when I have simply broken down in tears and not felt I could cope.
But
On the other hand, I'm still here, I'm relatively fit and health, have a job I love, fantastic friends, and am, in the grand scheme of things, very, very, very lucky in my life. There is so much that I can be thankful for that others may not have. What right have I to get upset, to complain, to bitch and moan?
And that's normally how I think: I don't have a right to get upset, even with the things I have to deal with, they are nothing compared to what others go through, I really am thankful for what I have and I recognise that. I use to be able to hold this idea as a rock-hard certainly and didn't become emotional and confused and let go of that anchor, but recently it has slipped a little.
It really has been like being in two minds about everything: logical on one hand, completely emotional and distraught on the other; I've been pushed so much I couldn't control the second of these at times. I know this all sounds very vague but, rather unusually, what has been getting me down is not something I really want to share publicly unfortunately, I'll get back to my usual, open and honest style shortly on other topics.
Looking at things more philosophically, being pushed this hard has meant that I've really thought about alot of things and I've really found who is there to support me and who hasn't been willing to put up with me being an emotional wreck/powder-keg.
I'll end the rambling now and get on with more useful, and less emotive things; like the washing, ironing and tidying up which are amazingly comforting and therapeutic I've found!
But
On the other hand, I'm still here, I'm relatively fit and health, have a job I love, fantastic friends, and am, in the grand scheme of things, very, very, very lucky in my life. There is so much that I can be thankful for that others may not have. What right have I to get upset, to complain, to bitch and moan?
And that's normally how I think: I don't have a right to get upset, even with the things I have to deal with, they are nothing compared to what others go through, I really am thankful for what I have and I recognise that. I use to be able to hold this idea as a rock-hard certainly and didn't become emotional and confused and let go of that anchor, but recently it has slipped a little.
It really has been like being in two minds about everything: logical on one hand, completely emotional and distraught on the other; I've been pushed so much I couldn't control the second of these at times. I know this all sounds very vague but, rather unusually, what has been getting me down is not something I really want to share publicly unfortunately, I'll get back to my usual, open and honest style shortly on other topics.
Looking at things more philosophically, being pushed this hard has meant that I've really thought about alot of things and I've really found who is there to support me and who hasn't been willing to put up with me being an emotional wreck/powder-keg.
I'll end the rambling now and get on with more useful, and less emotive things; like the washing, ironing and tidying up which are amazingly comforting and therapeutic I've found!
Sunday, 18 April 2010
More Catching Up
Okay, I should be getting more organised in my old age but apparently not! I'm really behind on all of the blog updates and have been so busy with work, life, and togging (easier to type that photography) that I've just not got round to writing anything ... which then becomes a catch twenty two as I need to cover all the events up to this point before any new topics. Of course that just means that the topics pile up and I never get anywhere!
So here is a quick catch up and I'll gradually get the photos to match these events on the website over the next week and then I can carry on blogging in a more organised and up-to-date way!
So, now I'm up-to-date I'm going to go and chill out and recover from too much alcohol, not enough sleep, and the affects of lots of having a fabulous weekend with my friends who are all amazing and I love them to bits.
So here is a quick catch up and I'll gradually get the photos to match these events on the website over the next week and then I can carry on blogging in a more organised and up-to-date way!
- Taking pictures of Rachel with a sword (yeah I know, slightly surreal)
- Meeting up with friends in Leeds as well as shopping with Rachel for work-wear
- My bike being stolen from the shed - not happy about that but covered by insurance
- Visit to the National Railway Museum in York - didn't get that many pictures I like as I was trying low-light togging (without flash) and the I'm a bit fussy about clear images
- Holiday away with my son visiting Windsor, London and of course, Legoland - had a fantastic time!
- Cycling to/from work for the entire week last week - VERY tiring, need to get more sleep and get use to this new level of exercise
- And just this weekend; my birthday party and seeing loads of my fab friends including my "bezzie" (it's a Brum expression apparently), Lucy.
So, now I'm up-to-date I'm going to go and chill out and recover from too much alcohol, not enough sleep, and the affects of lots of having a fabulous weekend with my friends who are all amazing and I love them to bits.
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Fashion Event
This is the last event that Rachel intended to run for now as it takes quite alot of effort and she is so busy with more pressing matters anyway.We had quite a few people turn up this time and I'd like to say that I managed to capture it all in photographs, but I didn't. Instead I spend the time before everyone arrived taking pictures of Rachel in the, only slightly extreme for her, make-up she applied for the night.
Anyway, I had a fantastic time, it was nice to meet new people and catch up with friends such as Freya who was modeling some of the clothes on the night. And I have to say that Stonegate Yard is a fantastic venue and does really nice food as well.
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Hen Do!
Well, hen "dos" would be more appropriate as we were out on Friday night and then again on Saturday! I should state for the record that I wasn't drinking a drop of alcohol for the second outing as frankly I'd got an absolutely stinking hangover from the previously nights ridiculous excesses! No sympathy please, it was totally self-inflicted.
Thankfully I did manage to get some good photos (Rachel got some amazing ones) and I wasn't drunk enough that I lost or broke my camera either! The image above is one of quite a few that turned out beautifully clear, sharp in such vibrant colours (helped by the "wig" theme for the night). I'll update this blog post when I've uploaded all of the pictures to my website, I really do need to get the image galleries sorted ASAP.
The pictures from Saturday night weren't anywhere near as good in terms of colour and clarity which is surprising given that the lighting should have been better as we were at someone's house. I think I'll put that down to fatigue on the part of myself and Rachel!
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Dressing up!
I don't really remember doing much dressing up when I was little, I maybe did go through that usual phase when I was very young but it's not something I can recall. I do have fairly clear memories of NOT wanting to dress-up and being quite embarrassed about costumes and the like, certainly I never went to any fancy dress parties!
But things do change and access to a rather interesting wardrobe of 'dressing-up' clothes, courtesy of Rachel (items she's used on photoshoots before) and of course her, armed with camera, to record the results, has opened up quite alot of possibilities! The picture below being an example of this:
My friend Jen came round on Friday night, originally for a girlie night in that was to include food, endless chatting and equally limitless alcohol. Rachel and I had been talking about photoshoots to Jen and we just suggested we could do a few pics to practice ...
... well that's when it got out of hand! We essentially turned the sitting room into a studio with proper lighting (those big lightboxes you see on the pro shoots, wish I'd got a picture of the setup it looked very impressive). The pictures here are just a few samples, most were taken of Jen on her own (she's alot more photogenic than me) and I'll add a link to those once Rachel has processed them properly (they will likely be on the Random Acts Webzine so keep an eye on that).
For anyone who is a little scared of having their picture taken I have to say this: don't be! It is, once you get into it, sooooo much fun! Really just go for it! A good photographer like Rachel will be happy to work with you to get what you want and delete images you really aren't happy with, or, if you want it, do a little touch up work in PhotoShop if that makes you happier :)
Really, and truly, a photoshoot is fantastic fun!
But things do change and access to a rather interesting wardrobe of 'dressing-up' clothes, courtesy of Rachel (items she's used on photoshoots before) and of course her, armed with camera, to record the results, has opened up quite alot of possibilities! The picture below being an example of this:
My friend Jen came round on Friday night, originally for a girlie night in that was to include food, endless chatting and equally limitless alcohol. Rachel and I had been talking about photoshoots to Jen and we just suggested we could do a few pics to practice ...... well that's when it got out of hand! We essentially turned the sitting room into a studio with proper lighting (those big lightboxes you see on the pro shoots, wish I'd got a picture of the setup it looked very impressive). The pictures here are just a few samples, most were taken of Jen on her own (she's alot more photogenic than me) and I'll add a link to those once Rachel has processed them properly (they will likely be on the Random Acts Webzine so keep an eye on that).
For anyone who is a little scared of having their picture taken I have to say this: don't be! It is, once you get into it, sooooo much fun! Really just go for it! A good photographer like Rachel will be happy to work with you to get what you want and delete images you really aren't happy with, or, if you want it, do a little touch up work in PhotoShop if that makes you happier :)
Really, and truly, a photoshoot is fantastic fun!
Friday, 22 January 2010
New hair do
Got new fab hair cut curtesy of Jen's hair dresser Claire.Update: Changed picture for the one that Jen took on her iPhone as it's a better shot! Also Clairs's Salon is
The SalonVery happy with my new do and it's survived well overnight, real test will be when I wash my hair and try and repeat the same look! Suspect I'll be having to go back to Claire very soon!
87 Pendas Way
Crossgates
Leeds
LS15 8HN
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Better Christmas
I will start by saying a GINORMOUS THANK YOU to Lucy, Heidi, and their families and friends for their kindness, support, and generosity in sharing their Christmas with me and for helping me deal with the recent upheaval in my life. I really am never going to have the words to say how much this means to me and the help that it has been in getting me through this (or at least to start that process).
I did have a very good Christmas considering the circumstances and spending time with the Brummies has been VERY entertaining (c.f. the previous post showing Heidi in her new) and really did take my mind of things (there were times when my mind was completely distracted but the comments/stories that caused that are definitely not suitable for the blog! lol).
All my friends have also been fantastic, I have been inundated with texts and calls and offers of help and support and, again, I just can't find the words to express how grateful I am.
I'm currently being a little indulgent and staying near Manchester so that I can do more shopping at the Trafford Centre again, only managed a brief (no pun intented) foray into M&S lingerie sale today so want to hit other shops tomorrow and take in more of the atmosphere around the place (which was rather cramped and intense today with the place being absolutely packed to the rafters).
What happens after that? Well, I guess we have to be practical and just get on with things as best we can. Given that we are still in the same house that of course could be challenging for both of us. I think the one thing that really comes out of this is that things do happen, feelings can change, but that doesn't mean there is a right and wrong or any sides involved. It really is just that there are differences or opinion, feeling, and behaviour.
It is going to be hard for both of us, and I am truly sorry for that.
I did have a very good Christmas considering the circumstances and spending time with the Brummies has been VERY entertaining (c.f. the previous post showing Heidi in her new) and really did take my mind of things (there were times when my mind was completely distracted but the comments/stories that caused that are definitely not suitable for the blog! lol).
All my friends have also been fantastic, I have been inundated with texts and calls and offers of help and support and, again, I just can't find the words to express how grateful I am.
I'm currently being a little indulgent and staying near Manchester so that I can do more shopping at the Trafford Centre again, only managed a brief (no pun intented) foray into M&S lingerie sale today so want to hit other shops tomorrow and take in more of the atmosphere around the place (which was rather cramped and intense today with the place being absolutely packed to the rafters).
What happens after that? Well, I guess we have to be practical and just get on with things as best we can. Given that we are still in the same house that of course could be challenging for both of us. I think the one thing that really comes out of this is that things do happen, feelings can change, but that doesn't mean there is a right and wrong or any sides involved. It really is just that there are differences or opinion, feeling, and behaviour.
It is going to be hard for both of us, and I am truly sorry for that.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Botany Bay
With all the excitement about the new job and general manic week of packing and sorting things out, I've not got round to posting pictures from the weekend. There was a night out on Canal St to meet up with friends I've not seen in a long time (including Lucy and her girlfriend H) followed by a trip to Botany Bay to take photographs - it was the closest place that I could think of that had the kind of backgrounds that we wanted.
While writing this I was hoping to find some explanation of why this visitor attraction attraction near Chorley is named after a a bay in New South Wales but there doesn't appear to be anything in the 'about us' section. Oh well, more research.
Anyway, here are just a few of the shots that we got:
Rachel looking very fab and sexy here! I'm taking credit for the boots and skirt though as they are mine - rather annoyingly she looks MUCH better in them than I do!
One problem with dating someone who is good at photography is that the images are very clear, focused, sharp and show every imperfection and blemish! Expect there to be less photos of me in future lol! However, I need to take more photos like this one (on Rachel's 500D camera):
And one final one against a huge pile of rubble. It is quite strange that, while hunting for locations for photographs that it's possible to get excited about such bizarre things: "Wow, a huge pile of rubble ... lets take a picture!". I think I'm picking that up from Rachel and trying to think of my own ideas for what would make an interesting scene. I suspect that the only way to really get good is to learn from all the fantastic photographers out there and practice, practice, practice.
While writing this I was hoping to find some explanation of why this visitor attraction attraction near Chorley is named after a a bay in New South Wales but there doesn't appear to be anything in the 'about us' section. Oh well, more research.
Anyway, here are just a few of the shots that we got:
Rachel looking very fab and sexy here! I'm taking credit for the boots and skirt though as they are mine - rather annoyingly she looks MUCH better in them than I do!
One problem with dating someone who is good at photography is that the images are very clear, focused, sharp and show every imperfection and blemish! Expect there to be less photos of me in future lol! However, I need to take more photos like this one (on Rachel's 500D camera):
And one final one against a huge pile of rubble. It is quite strange that, while hunting for locations for photographs that it's possible to get excited about such bizarre things: "Wow, a huge pile of rubble ... lets take a picture!". I think I'm picking that up from Rachel and trying to think of my own ideas for what would make an interesting scene. I suspect that the only way to really get good is to learn from all the fantastic photographers out there and practice, practice, practice.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Busy week
As I mentioned before, I have had a very busy week since returning from the holidays and it's probably worth a quick mention of everything that I've been up to in order to catch up:
Saturday was a totally lazy day when I didn't get out of PJs until well into the afternoon - I think I needed that wind down time but I got bored towards the end which was why Sunday had a little bit more activity in it.
- Met up for shopping and cakes (well Tiramasu) with a fab person from blog-land
- Continued that night out by having a a few drinks on Canal Street as well!
- Met up with for lunch an ex-work colleague, followed by
- Meeting with an out placement service (help me with CV etc)
- Having my son stay for another night after we saw G-Force at the cinema (it's silly but entertaining if you like that kind of thing)
- Playing football (badly - and not just letting him win) with my son in this lovely weather - really tired me out!
Saturday was a totally lazy day when I didn't get out of PJs until well into the afternoon - I think I needed that wind down time but I got bored towards the end which was why Sunday had a little bit more activity in it.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Weekend
I'm still waiting to hear definitively about my job and it may not be until tomorrow now that the final decisions are made which isn't ideal. Feel a bit run-down and pre-occupied obviously so wasn't going to post anything but felt I should keep up with what's been happening - particularly after my comments about going shopping!
So, Friday I decided enough was enough, I wasn't going to wait until Saturday as planned but wanted to go look for a new suit as well as see the new Harry Potter film. Add to that the fact that I just love being in the Trafford Centre as it's so busy and alive, it's certainly better than sitting at home all alone with no-one to talk to (now if only I could be given an unlimited credit card to shop 'till I drop, I'd be in heaven - assuming someone else was picking up the bill obviously!).
Managed to find a suit in M&S without much difficulty at all - their clothes always fit well, look and feel good, and generally seem to be value for money as well as being perfectly acceptable in terms of you feeling like you bought something fashionable and not 'cheap' (yes, I know the stuff you can get from Primark can be just as good but there is just that fashion snobbishness that is built in by all the magazines, adverts and life in general).
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was a good watch. Certainly a long film, but that was to be expected, but it kept the pace up and the interest going - no clock watching for sure. The characters now are very well developed and everyone seems to be very natural, I loved the exchanges between Ron, Hermione and Harry and was really pleased to see Luna Lovegod being completely sureal and strange. Also nice to see an appearance of Tonks as well, I liked her in the previous film. Overall very good and I think I need to re-read the last two books as I clearly don't know them as well as the others, I got the feeling there were a number of departures from the original story with some being obvious but others I was less sure about.
Saturday I had laser, which was the penultimate one for this lot and at this late stage I have discovered about Emla cream as the beautician doing my treatment mentioned it when I asked about ways to minimise the pain (I'd heard of other places that used anesthesia of some sort). I was (very kindly) given a free tube of the stuff so I will give it a try for the last laser session and see how things go with that. I will certainly need more treatment in the future so worth experimenting now.
Rest of Saturday consisted of more shopping (get several suits and a new bag from the Next Sales) before finally going over to see friends for the evening where I got a chance to catch up on their life (they have a 4month old son who was very entertaining) as well as reminisce about past work places and colleagues. It was all really good fun and surprisingly I didn't have a hangover in the morning, even after downing a whole bottle of red wine!
So, all in all, a good weekend. And one final thing to make it better was that B phoned me about our son who is on holiday with his grandparents, seems he's having a fantastic time which is good to know and nice to hear about.
So, Friday I decided enough was enough, I wasn't going to wait until Saturday as planned but wanted to go look for a new suit as well as see the new Harry Potter film. Add to that the fact that I just love being in the Trafford Centre as it's so busy and alive, it's certainly better than sitting at home all alone with no-one to talk to (now if only I could be given an unlimited credit card to shop 'till I drop, I'd be in heaven - assuming someone else was picking up the bill obviously!).
Managed to find a suit in M&S without much difficulty at all - their clothes always fit well, look and feel good, and generally seem to be value for money as well as being perfectly acceptable in terms of you feeling like you bought something fashionable and not 'cheap' (yes, I know the stuff you can get from Primark can be just as good but there is just that fashion snobbishness that is built in by all the magazines, adverts and life in general).
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was a good watch. Certainly a long film, but that was to be expected, but it kept the pace up and the interest going - no clock watching for sure. The characters now are very well developed and everyone seems to be very natural, I loved the exchanges between Ron, Hermione and Harry and was really pleased to see Luna Lovegod being completely sureal and strange. Also nice to see an appearance of Tonks as well, I liked her in the previous film. Overall very good and I think I need to re-read the last two books as I clearly don't know them as well as the others, I got the feeling there were a number of departures from the original story with some being obvious but others I was less sure about.
Saturday I had laser, which was the penultimate one for this lot and at this late stage I have discovered about Emla cream as the beautician doing my treatment mentioned it when I asked about ways to minimise the pain (I'd heard of other places that used anesthesia of some sort). I was (very kindly) given a free tube of the stuff so I will give it a try for the last laser session and see how things go with that. I will certainly need more treatment in the future so worth experimenting now.
Rest of Saturday consisted of more shopping (get several suits and a new bag from the Next Sales) before finally going over to see friends for the evening where I got a chance to catch up on their life (they have a 4month old son who was very entertaining) as well as reminisce about past work places and colleagues. It was all really good fun and surprisingly I didn't have a hangover in the morning, even after downing a whole bottle of red wine!
So, all in all, a good weekend. And one final thing to make it better was that B phoned me about our son who is on holiday with his grandparents, seems he's having a fantastic time which is good to know and nice to hear about.
Monday, 13 July 2009
Sparkle 2009
I didn't go for the whole long weekend this year, I had other commitments (seeing my son) and couldn't afford the hotel costs nor the seemingly never-ending stream of alcohol. So instead I opted to just pop down on Saturday afternoon and see who I could bump into.
I think I got down there around 3pm in time to hear some of the music on the stage in Sackville Gardens - caught "Mustang Sally" which I love! After watching that, wandered along and quickly bumped into practically everyone I wanted to see in the space of 20mins! Had a quick drink and chat and then went off to meet Kim in Albert Square at the festival pavilion. Just as an aside I really should keep up with current events, the Manchester International Festival had been going on since 2nd July (finishes 19th) and I had no idea about it!
Had a good chat and people watch there for a few hours and then wandered back to Canal Street with Kim to grab some food from McTucky's - not exactly the healthiest option available to us but cheap and cheery and definitely filled a hole. Sackville Gardens provided a much more varied and colourful location for people watching than the centre of Manchester for fairly obvious reasons.
I think everyone was lucky with the weather through the day but it couldn't hold of forever and the skies opened later in the evening and it poured it down until the point where I left (at about 2am). It was a bit of a shame as it stopped people wandering around and meeting up, instead we were all a bit confined to only a few places, not wanting to get soaked by moving to a different location. Was a bit loud, cramped and warm in most places with everyone squashed in but people still seemed to be having a good time.
I obviously had good reasons not to be there for the entire weekend but in some ways I wished I could have done both nights and got to see more people and really make more of the time. Definitely need to have another night out on Canal Street at some point very soon to make up for it!
[Update: all the pics I took on the day/night are here. Was really impressed with the results from the SLR camera with built-in flash, might think about taking that again - even though it is a pain to carry around ]
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Lot less bother with a Hover(craft)
I'm really behind with all the blog stuff, I promise I will try and catch up!
Anyway, a few weekends ago my son and I went to see some hovercraft racing! A friend of mine from my home town has been into hovercraft for as long as I can remember and is often racing near where I live. We haven't been in touch for a while, I think the last conversation was probably around the same time last year when B and I were separating, so I obviously had to explain the recent, erm, changes.
Thankfully that conversation went very well, and I think myself very lucky again to have such understanding and supportive friends.
So, the hovercraft racing: it was FAB! In all the time I've known my friend I have never once seen him racing or the hovercraft he's built.
It was a fantastic day out - got to take LOTS of pictures of the hovercraft, even got some good ones where there were bumps or the hovercraft tipped up in the wind. Got some really good pics of my son and my friends kids playing on the hovercraft and with bubbles! I think that is definitely a case of "one extreme to another" - several thousand pounds of hovercraft we only as entertaining as 30p's worth of bubbles!
Now, just need to actually have a go on a hovercraft at some point! lol
Anyway, a few weekends ago my son and I went to see some hovercraft racing! A friend of mine from my home town has been into hovercraft for as long as I can remember and is often racing near where I live. We haven't been in touch for a while, I think the last conversation was probably around the same time last year when B and I were separating, so I obviously had to explain the recent, erm, changes.
Thankfully that conversation went very well, and I think myself very lucky again to have such understanding and supportive friends.
So, the hovercraft racing: it was FAB! In all the time I've known my friend I have never once seen him racing or the hovercraft he's built.
It was a fantastic day out - got to take LOTS of pictures of the hovercraft, even got some good ones where there were bumps or the hovercraft tipped up in the wind. Got some really good pics of my son and my friends kids playing on the hovercraft and with bubbles! I think that is definitely a case of "one extreme to another" - several thousand pounds of hovercraft we only as entertaining as 30p's worth of bubbles!
Now, just need to actually have a go on a hovercraft at some point! lol
Sunday, 22 March 2009
".. I'm alright, got a good ole friend here with me tonight, so I guess I'm doing alright"
I've had a fantastic weekend away (more on this later when I'm less tried and more up to rambling) in Birmingham at Lucy's welcome home party and then spending time shopping and chatting and the usual stuff. Quite tired when I was driving home and that might have been one of the reasons why I couldn't keep the tears back while listening to the song that the above quote is taken from, "I'm alright" by Jo Dee Messina.
Hmmm, I did think of really good ways to express what I felt but I've forgotten and can't think of an eloquent way to put it now. So, this will have to suffice:
Thanks for being an amazing friend Lucy!
xxx
P.S. I bet you'll hate this (it's sooo NOT your taste in music): Jo Dee Messina, I'm alright
Hmmm, I did think of really good ways to express what I felt but I've forgotten and can't think of an eloquent way to put it now. So, this will have to suffice:
Thanks for being an amazing friend Lucy!
xxx
P.S. I bet you'll hate this (it's sooo NOT your taste in music): Jo Dee Messina, I'm alright
Sunday, 7 December 2008
Saturday
Manic.
There may be better words to describe London but that's the one I would use, in fact I think it needs to be repeated for extra emphasis: manic, manic, MANIC!
Oxford Street was closed to traffic on Saturday so shoppers could wander up and down the roads, presumably so there could be more of them out and shopping to get us out of this financial mess we are in. Well I made a valiant attempt and Deborah and I spent some considerable time in Primark buying lots of stuff but in the end I had to retreat back to the hotel in the early afternoon because I was tired and hungover quite badly.
Mind you we did manage to have a nice lunch in the Food Garden at the top of Selfridges (I am such a snob it is untrue) which wasn't too unreasonable and had plenty of choice. I also managed to get the perfume I wanted (DKNY Delicious Night) as well as getting some gifts for my son and his mum.
Then I carried both mine and Deborah's bags back to the hotel so she could carry on shopping while I tried to sleep off feeling a bit under-the-weather!
Seemed to do the trick and by the time Deborah got back I felt alot better.
Cue extensive hair-straightening and getting ready to go out to see Eddie Izzard. I really need to allow more time for getting ready and need to include shower, complete wash of hair, and basically start from the beginning again. Trying to straighten hair that has had a day of being quite happily curly is 'challenging' at best.
So we rushed out, both quite dressed up, and in need of finding food and a taxi rather quickly - so of course we had the former in McDonalds and then rushed to the other side of Kings Cross to get the latter. Traffic also manic so ended up getting out of the tax at one end of Shaftsbury Avenue and walking (rather too briskly for the heels I was wearing - must get trainers for next time!) to the Lyric Theatre.
A friend had suggested that, when he went to see Eddie Izzard, that some of the material had been done before and that he seemed to have lost his edge a bit. The night that we went to see him seemed, to me at least, to be nothing like that; he was absolutely hilarious, I laughed and smiled so much that I had crease lines in my make-up!
Fabulous, just amazingly fabulous! As funny as ever if not funnier!
So after 3 hours (the set was over 2hrs 30mins, interval after about 1hr 40mins) of being in the, rather warm, theatre it was time to spill out on the busy streets of London to walk some more in a desperate bid to find a taxi! Finally Deborah spotted one and commandeered it! Got back after midnight still wide-awake and happy from the nights entertainment!
There may be better words to describe London but that's the one I would use, in fact I think it needs to be repeated for extra emphasis: manic, manic, MANIC!
Oxford Street was closed to traffic on Saturday so shoppers could wander up and down the roads, presumably so there could be more of them out and shopping to get us out of this financial mess we are in. Well I made a valiant attempt and Deborah and I spent some considerable time in Primark buying lots of stuff but in the end I had to retreat back to the hotel in the early afternoon because I was tired and hungover quite badly.
Mind you we did manage to have a nice lunch in the Food Garden at the top of Selfridges (I am such a snob it is untrue) which wasn't too unreasonable and had plenty of choice. I also managed to get the perfume I wanted (DKNY Delicious Night) as well as getting some gifts for my son and his mum.
Then I carried both mine and Deborah's bags back to the hotel so she could carry on shopping while I tried to sleep off feeling a bit under-the-weather!
Seemed to do the trick and by the time Deborah got back I felt alot better.
Cue extensive hair-straightening and getting ready to go out to see Eddie Izzard. I really need to allow more time for getting ready and need to include shower, complete wash of hair, and basically start from the beginning again. Trying to straighten hair that has had a day of being quite happily curly is 'challenging' at best.
So we rushed out, both quite dressed up, and in need of finding food and a taxi rather quickly - so of course we had the former in McDonalds and then rushed to the other side of Kings Cross to get the latter. Traffic also manic so ended up getting out of the tax at one end of Shaftsbury Avenue and walking (rather too briskly for the heels I was wearing - must get trainers for next time!) to the Lyric Theatre.
A friend had suggested that, when he went to see Eddie Izzard, that some of the material had been done before and that he seemed to have lost his edge a bit. The night that we went to see him seemed, to me at least, to be nothing like that; he was absolutely hilarious, I laughed and smiled so much that I had crease lines in my make-up!
Fabulous, just amazingly fabulous! As funny as ever if not funnier!
So after 3 hours (the set was over 2hrs 30mins, interval after about 1hr 40mins) of being in the, rather warm, theatre it was time to spill out on the busy streets of London to walk some more in a desperate bid to find a taxi! Finally Deborah spotted one and commandeered it! Got back after midnight still wide-awake and happy from the nights entertainment!
Friday, 28 November 2008
"Wishing That"
"Wishing That" is the title of a song by Jann Arden and the lyrics are, in some ways pertinent and poignant at this point in time.
I've just been reminded that it's not just me going through extreme emotions and confusion at this time, B is suffereing a great deal as I guess are the rest of my family and maybe even some of my friends.
I guess it's nice to view my appointment in 7 days time as a "start" but equally, and more importantly for the others unfortunate to be tied up in this mess of a life, it would be seen as a bitter "end".
I can't think of the words to describe how unfair it is that B has to suffer like this. I'm not even sure if I can comprehend it to be able to write about it to be honest, I think alot of this really is just beyond rational thought and certainly something that my selfish mind probably doesn't want to consider.
I am sorry.
I've just been reminded that it's not just me going through extreme emotions and confusion at this time, B is suffereing a great deal as I guess are the rest of my family and maybe even some of my friends.
I guess it's nice to view my appointment in 7 days time as a "start" but equally, and more importantly for the others unfortunate to be tied up in this mess of a life, it would be seen as a bitter "end".
I can't think of the words to describe how unfair it is that B has to suffer like this. I'm not even sure if I can comprehend it to be able to write about it to be honest, I think alot of this really is just beyond rational thought and certainly something that my selfish mind probably doesn't want to consider.
I am sorry.
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
The morning after the morning after the morning after the night before ... I think
I thought about this title this morning and I've just being discussing my inability to lead the party life with Sam at work; I'm now use to going to bed around at a reasonable hour, getting up early and having nice regular (boring) days. So it's taken me until Tuesday to get over the weekends activities - not a good sign!
Anyway, I promised a much expanded description of Saturday night now that a) I'm more awake and able to compose complex sentances (trust me this is complex compared to what I normally have to deal with) and b) Lucy wrote a fantastic blog entry which jogged my memory about several things!
First, back to the skating: it was FAB! It really was nice a fabulously clear evening with a chill in the air (and not just because of the ice rink itself) and lots of pretty lights. I've always loved cities (or even towns) by night and particularly at Christmas, there's just something magical about them, even if they don't look as good in the daytime!
I was going to post a pic of the affects of not wearing thick enough socks or doing up your ice skates tight enough but it's pretty yuck so I won't bother. Suffice to say that heed the advice to actually wear some decent, thick, long, socks and try and fasten the boots tightly and you won't have a nasty sore on a few inches above your ankle!
I probably could recount every detail of the ice itself because I did spend most of the time staring at it as well as looking out for adults and kids falling over in my path - I have to say that learning to skate as a kid must be great, not only do parents seem to wrap their little ones in padded, warm, ski-suits but you don't actually have as far to fall! I saw a few kids who actually seemed to be really enjoying falling over!
I think I managed some degree of multi-tasking as well since I was able to talk and skate at the same time! Chatting is definitely my favorite pass-time and Kim is very good at it! We've gone through many hours of talking without noticing the time passing. Sadly only had a few hours to talk as Kim had to get sorted for her World Tour of Scotland - well a weeks holiday in various locations in Scotland anyway.
So, now onto the main event for Saturday night!
Before it could start though I needed to help Lucy get into Manchester and to the hotel in which we were staying. Anyone that has tried to drive in Manchester will know it's pretty much a nightmare and easy to get lost or stuck in a one-way system. Any sensible person these days would use a SatNav to help out. Mind you they can be frustrating things and can often get so annoying that they are tapped, everso lightly against the dashboard and then cease to work. Hmmm, can't think who would do such a thing though!
[ Santa, if you are listening, I know a certain girl who would just love a new SatNav for Christmas ]
Anyway, after much logistics that I've already explained, we finally got to canal street and met up with Kate and Jilly closely followed by Charlotte and Abigail (I actually had to check the names on Lucy's blog because I'm really bad at remembering such things, particularly when I've just met people for the first time ... if it's any consolation I have a good memory for someone's personality and face!).
From left to right: Lucy (lesbian look), Stacey (looking fab and blonde), Jilly (looking just fab), and me (smiling at least). This pic and the one below were taken by Kate/Jilly and I think they must have a magical camera because I'm at least prepared to post these pics of me; not happy with photo's of me at the moment, hopefully I'll get over that eventually!
So as Lucy mentioned we meandered from bar to bar having a chat, look around and consuming lots of alcohol, in my case this was in the form of Cheeky Vimtos. For those that don't know the ingredients are Vimto (obviously), Port, and Blue WKD.
When I've had these before they have been pretty strong but I suspect that the bars on Canal Street are a little mean when it comes to the measure of Port so I really didn't get that drunk, honest! No really, I was quite sober I'm sure ... no, just ignore what Lucy wrote on her blog ... oh well, don't believe me then!
This is only the second time I've ever been out on Canal Street and while nowhere near as overwhelming as Sparkle most of it is all pretty much a new experience for me.
One thing I did think of about in relation to the night out was linked to something I read on Rebecca's blog about being careful out there. It's not something I know much about nor thankfully have any direct or indirect experience of but there are people out there that have enough hate in them to actually hurt and kill because of someones gender. I've not many trans, gay or lesbian people yet but everyone I have talked to before has been nice and, surprisingly 'normal'.
Yes, there are some 'interesting' characters out there who are maybe more unconventional than the rest of us but I just find every single person I have met and talked to absolutely fascinating irrespective of their gender. It's also moving when, after a bit too much alcohol people start opening up a bit and talking about what they have gone through and it makes me realise that I have been quite (very) lucky.
Anyway, enough of the serious tangents, back to the fun!
I can vaguely remember getting the taxi and arriving back at the hotel, not entirely sure how I managed to get all the make-up off, PJs on and into bed but I guess I was on auto-pilot at 3am and just needed to sleep! So it was pretty annoying when I woke up at 7am!
Lucy already mentioned about us chatting at that ridiculous time in the morning and we did seem to talk about all sorts of things and it was so nice to be able to do that. I'm really not good at the whole talking about deep and serious things and I certainly don't match Lucy's openess, hopefully that will come in time.
I know this picture is already on Lucy's blog but I like it so much I'm plagarising it for mine and well as printing it out and framing it so I can be reminded of my fab friend!
Anyway, I promised a much expanded description of Saturday night now that a) I'm more awake and able to compose complex sentances (trust me this is complex compared to what I normally have to deal with) and b) Lucy wrote a fantastic blog entry which jogged my memory about several things!
First, back to the skating: it was FAB! It really was nice a fabulously clear evening with a chill in the air (and not just because of the ice rink itself) and lots of pretty lights. I've always loved cities (or even towns) by night and particularly at Christmas, there's just something magical about them, even if they don't look as good in the daytime!
I was going to post a pic of the affects of not wearing thick enough socks or doing up your ice skates tight enough but it's pretty yuck so I won't bother. Suffice to say that heed the advice to actually wear some decent, thick, long, socks and try and fasten the boots tightly and you won't have a nasty sore on a few inches above your ankle!
I probably could recount every detail of the ice itself because I did spend most of the time staring at it as well as looking out for adults and kids falling over in my path - I have to say that learning to skate as a kid must be great, not only do parents seem to wrap their little ones in padded, warm, ski-suits but you don't actually have as far to fall! I saw a few kids who actually seemed to be really enjoying falling over!
I think I managed some degree of multi-tasking as well since I was able to talk and skate at the same time! Chatting is definitely my favorite pass-time and Kim is very good at it! We've gone through many hours of talking without noticing the time passing. Sadly only had a few hours to talk as Kim had to get sorted for her World Tour of Scotland - well a weeks holiday in various locations in Scotland anyway.
So, now onto the main event for Saturday night!
Before it could start though I needed to help Lucy get into Manchester and to the hotel in which we were staying. Anyone that has tried to drive in Manchester will know it's pretty much a nightmare and easy to get lost or stuck in a one-way system. Any sensible person these days would use a SatNav to help out. Mind you they can be frustrating things and can often get so annoying that they are tapped, everso lightly against the dashboard and then cease to work. Hmmm, can't think who would do such a thing though!
[ Santa, if you are listening, I know a certain girl who would just love a new SatNav for Christmas ]
Anyway, after much logistics that I've already explained, we finally got to canal street and met up with Kate and Jilly closely followed by Charlotte and Abigail (I actually had to check the names on Lucy's blog because I'm really bad at remembering such things, particularly when I've just met people for the first time ... if it's any consolation I have a good memory for someone's personality and face!).
From left to right: Lucy (lesbian look), Stacey (looking fab and blonde), Jilly (looking just fab), and me (smiling at least). This pic and the one below were taken by Kate/Jilly and I think they must have a magical camera because I'm at least prepared to post these pics of me; not happy with photo's of me at the moment, hopefully I'll get over that eventually!
So as Lucy mentioned we meandered from bar to bar having a chat, look around and consuming lots of alcohol, in my case this was in the form of Cheeky Vimtos. For those that don't know the ingredients are Vimto (obviously), Port, and Blue WKD.When I've had these before they have been pretty strong but I suspect that the bars on Canal Street are a little mean when it comes to the measure of Port so I really didn't get that drunk, honest! No really, I was quite sober I'm sure ... no, just ignore what Lucy wrote on her blog ... oh well, don't believe me then!
This is only the second time I've ever been out on Canal Street and while nowhere near as overwhelming as Sparkle most of it is all pretty much a new experience for me.
One thing I did think of about in relation to the night out was linked to something I read on Rebecca's blog about being careful out there. It's not something I know much about nor thankfully have any direct or indirect experience of but there are people out there that have enough hate in them to actually hurt and kill because of someones gender. I've not many trans, gay or lesbian people yet but everyone I have talked to before has been nice and, surprisingly 'normal'.
Yes, there are some 'interesting' characters out there who are maybe more unconventional than the rest of us but I just find every single person I have met and talked to absolutely fascinating irrespective of their gender. It's also moving when, after a bit too much alcohol people start opening up a bit and talking about what they have gone through and it makes me realise that I have been quite (very) lucky.
Anyway, enough of the serious tangents, back to the fun!
I can vaguely remember getting the taxi and arriving back at the hotel, not entirely sure how I managed to get all the make-up off, PJs on and into bed but I guess I was on auto-pilot at 3am and just needed to sleep! So it was pretty annoying when I woke up at 7am!
Lucy already mentioned about us chatting at that ridiculous time in the morning and we did seem to talk about all sorts of things and it was so nice to be able to do that. I'm really not good at the whole talking about deep and serious things and I certainly don't match Lucy's openess, hopefully that will come in time.
I know this picture is already on Lucy's blog but I like it so much I'm plagarising it for mine and well as printing it out and framing it so I can be reminded of my fab friend!
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Blogs everywhere!
Well, I can't believe people actually listen to what I say, it's such a shock! Lucy, who has been mentioned here several times has now, finally, got herself a blog:
Lucy's Blog
Now I should have written about the shopping trip that Lucy and I went on on Sunday but I kind of didn't get round to it ... and now I feel bad because her post was so nice (and written so well) that I wish I could come up with an equally touching entry myself.
Anyway, go and have a read of Lucy's blog, particularly after next weekend when, as she mentions, we're going out in Manchester and will probably be having alot of fun and ... erm, hold on a minute ... NO! Don't read the blog, just in case I do something silly and Lucy posts a picture of me ... OMG, even if I don't do anything silly I don't think I want any pictures of me ... I'll look terrible!
One final word on blogs; I've said before that people I know in real life read this but I just thought I'd say thanks to the friends in particular that *REALLY* pay attention and phone me up if I don't sound happy.
P.S. I'm going to try and keep this blog more up-to-date over the coming weeks and make a concerted effort to try and write shorter and more personal accounts of what is going on because I think there is going to be lots that will be happening to me physically and mentally!
Lucy's Blog
Now I should have written about the shopping trip that Lucy and I went on on Sunday but I kind of didn't get round to it ... and now I feel bad because her post was so nice (and written so well) that I wish I could come up with an equally touching entry myself.
Anyway, go and have a read of Lucy's blog, particularly after next weekend when, as she mentions, we're going out in Manchester and will probably be having alot of fun and ... erm, hold on a minute ... NO! Don't read the blog, just in case I do something silly and Lucy posts a picture of me ... OMG, even if I don't do anything silly I don't think I want any pictures of me ... I'll look terrible!
One final word on blogs; I've said before that people I know in real life read this but I just thought I'd say thanks to the friends in particular that *REALLY* pay attention and phone me up if I don't sound happy.
P.S. I'm going to try and keep this blog more up-to-date over the coming weeks and make a concerted effort to try and write shorter and more personal accounts of what is going on because I think there is going to be lots that will be happening to me physically and mentally!
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