"Are you a he or a she?"

This was the question posed to me by a child, probably around about 10yrs old, who happened to be scooting past my house. There are quite a few kids on those collapsible metal scooters whizzing around the estate where I live, they generally don't do any harm and seem quite absorbed in what they are doing.

But I think sometimes they do look at what's going on around them and I had a feeling that a few of them were looking at me when I arrived back after cycling home. Only this one kid seemed brave or curious enough to ask anything, while stood there on his own.

I wasn't annoyed or upset by the question, quite honestly I looked a mess after cycling over 5miles at some speed, I also had my hair completely tied back so it's quite possible that there are many women that wouldn't look entirely feminine in such a state.

"I'm a she", I answered simply and he looked for a few seconds longer then scooted off as I turned away to go into the house.

I saw him glancing at me a few more times as he went past the house but no other comments or show of interest from the friends he was with, so I'm assuming this really was just the curiosity of one kid and nothing to do with a group wanting to poke fun or anything. In that respect, I'm quite impressed to be asked such a sensible and non-offensive question.

Lesson in humility

I had a hard week for one reason or another and have been a bit all over the place emotionally. Too be honest everyone at work is going through alot of stress as well and so we're all on edge and just not having a fun time.

Anyway, it's very easy to get to feel that your problems are the most important thing in the world and that you are having a hard time. I've always tried to keep cheerful and live by the old adage that "there is always someone worse off than yourself" but sometimes it's easy to forget that, or remember it and still feel bad.

I thought things were tough for me this week and I guess I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. And then I heard about someone on the same project as me having to deal with working long hours and having a partner who is ill and was still staying late to get things finished (and at the time a mistake I made was holding this person up).

At that moment I felt both terribly guilty and also quite humble.

I not sure if there are any universal rules for living a better life to come out of this, the aphorism is rather trite really and, when it comes down to it, sometimes problems do need to be dealt with. I guess, when it comes down to it we're all human and sometimes we just get it wrong and can be self-centred or thoughtless, other times we can be there for someone else. We're just not perfect, and I'm certainly not.

"Wishing That"

"Wishing That" is the title of a song by Jann Arden and the lyrics are, in some ways pertinent and poignant at this point in time.

I've just been reminded that it's not just me going through extreme emotions and confusion at this time, B is suffereing a great deal as I guess are the rest of my family and maybe even some of my friends.

I guess it's nice to view my appointment in 7 days time as a "start" but equally, and more importantly for the others unfortunate to be tied up in this mess of a life, it would be seen as a bitter "end".

I can't think of the words to describe how unfair it is that B has to suffer like this. I'm not even sure if I can comprehend it to be able to write about it to be honest, I think alot of this really is just beyond rational thought and certainly something that my selfish mind probably doesn't want to consider.

I am sorry.