Better Christmas

I will start by saying a GINORMOUS THANK YOU to Lucy, Heidi, and their families and friends for their kindness, support, and generosity in sharing their Christmas with me and for helping me deal with the recent upheaval in my life. I really am never going to have the words to say how much this means to me and the help that it has been in getting me through this (or at least to start that process).

I did have a very good Christmas considering the circumstances and spending time with the Brummies has been VERY entertaining (c.f. the previous post showing Heidi in her new) and really did take my mind of things (there were times when my mind was completely distracted but the comments/stories that caused that are definitely not suitable for the blog! lol).

All my friends have also been fantastic, I have been inundated with texts and calls and offers of help and support and, again, I just can't find the words to express how grateful I am.

I'm currently being a little indulgent and staying near Manchester so that I can do more shopping at the Trafford Centre again, only managed a brief (no pun intented) foray into M&S lingerie sale today so want to hit other shops tomorrow and take in more of the atmosphere around the place (which was rather cramped and intense today with the place being absolutely packed to the rafters).

What happens after that? Well, I guess we have to be practical and just get on with things as best we can. Given that we are still in the same house that of course could be challenging for both of us. I think the one thing that really comes out of this is that things do happen, feelings can change, but that doesn't mean there is a right and wrong or any sides involved. It really is just that there are differences or opinion, feeling, and behaviour.

It is going to be hard for both of us, and I am truly sorry for that.

You are all FANTASTIC!

I guess it's unlikely that any of the amazing people from where I work will read this (haven't given them the URL so by the time they do get to see it there will be other junk in the way) but I just wanted to say

THANK YOU! You have all been unbelievably supportive, caring, considerate and just downright fabulous!

In case anyone is wondering what is going on, I was out on an unofficial works do tonight, it was just a group of us that decided to have a night out in Preston just for fun. I decided that I had to go out fully dressed as Fiona (well I did let them use the name they are more familiar with, it would have been too confusing otherwise).

I also made some other strange decisions: no wig, just natural hair (not quite long enough), drove there so NO drinking to numb the pain.

Everyone was amazing, truly out of this world in their support, understanding and encouragement ... I really can't find words to express how thankful I am.

I'm going to get to bed before I ramble on anymore, I may not be drunk but I'm very tired now. Before I go, here is a pic of me when I got back home:

Hair's a bit of a mess, make-up a bit faded, and if I look too long I can see more faults and things I don't like about how I look ... but I am still so thrilled that I did this with the help of the amazing people at work!

Time for bed.

The morning after the night before

Thankfully not too hung-over which is almost a miracle given the amount I drank! Quite tired due to staying up late chatting.

I've just re-read what I wrote last night and am I little uncomfortable that I sound overly desperate for hormones; going on about something too much to me makes the requests sound false rather than reinforcing what is needed. But I'm going to leave things as is, it's what I wrote and I guess it's best to give an honest picture of what I feel even if it is a bit over the top and alcohol fueled!

So how do I feel this morning? Well lots of thoughts are going through my head including the fact that I can see coworkers being very supportive and that I can take further steps long this path, e.g. the next milestone being getting my ears pierced in a weeks time.

Also feeling that people might be supportive is almost like some sort of validation and acceptance and I guess that helps alot with how I feel about myself and gives me more confidence to be me.

Best get breakfast and get to work!