I will start by saying a GINORMOUS THANK YOU to Lucy, Heidi, and their families and friends for their kindness, support, and generosity in sharing their Christmas with me and for helping me deal with the recent upheaval in my life. I really am never going to have the words to say how much this means to me and the help that it has been in getting me through this (or at least to start that process).
I did have a very good Christmas considering the circumstances and spending time with the Brummies has been VERY entertaining (c.f. the previous post showing Heidi in her new) and really did take my mind of things (there were times when my mind was completely distracted but the comments/stories that caused that are definitely not suitable for the blog! lol).
All my friends have also been fantastic, I have been inundated with texts and calls and offers of help and support and, again, I just can't find the words to express how grateful I am.
I'm currently being a little indulgent and staying near Manchester so that I can do more shopping at the Trafford Centre again, only managed a brief (no pun intented) foray into M&S lingerie sale today so want to hit other shops tomorrow and take in more of the atmosphere around the place (which was rather cramped and intense today with the place being absolutely packed to the rafters).
What happens after that? Well, I guess we have to be practical and just get on with things as best we can. Given that we are still in the same house that of course could be challenging for both of us. I think the one thing that really comes out of this is that things do happen, feelings can change, but that doesn't mean there is a right and wrong or any sides involved. It really is just that there are differences or opinion, feeling, and behaviour.
It is going to be hard for both of us, and I am truly sorry for that.
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Friday, 18 December 2009
Christmas Party
It was the works Christmas party last night, held in the York Railway Museum! It was fantastic, really amazing setting, great food, drink (though didn't have much of this as I was driving), good fun and most importantly wonderful people. As I said to Rachel last night, this is the best place I have ever worked, I love it!
Rachel an I took quite a few pictures, I'm being shamelessly vain in just showing (mainly) the ones of her and me (mainly me) here on my website. Rachel did get some pictures of other people which look fab but I'll leave them in her more capable hands for processing.
We had a fantastic time, sadly all too brief as we needed to get home and to bed, which first required us to walk through the freezing night to the snow covered car and then for me to negotiate roads already starting to slush/ice/freeze over. This morning arrived rather too quickly (must catch up sleep over the weekend) but with fantastic wintery scenes for a trip to work.
Sunday, 21 December 2008
Flying as Fiona
Well I must have just had so much on my mind on the way out and so much of a hangover on the way back but the whole thing of flying to/from Dublin completely in my new idenity was totally uneventful and free from any problems.
One thing that did happen on the way back was that I set off the metal detector and had to be frisked - not a big deal since everyone seemed to be setting this particular one off and, in the past I've been randomly selected for extra checked before.
However, I did discover why they have a female security officer; when they frisk women they actually do check for the underwire in the bra so it's certainly a little more intimate that the male version. I was a little tired and hungover so I must have seemed a bit odd to say the least. In fact I wondered if they wondered whether someone would go to the extremes of dressing up to get the full female 'security' experience!
Anyway, no problems and everyone seemed to use the appropriate pronouns and I was treated fairly normally.
One thing I did notice was that people in Dublin seem to have less of a problem with overtly staring out you! It did getting annoying after a while so I actually starred back at someone which probably freaked her out - I try NOT to do this as I prefer to not make people feel uncomfortable so they come away from any encounter with a positive view rather than being creeped out.
Will write more about the weekend when I'm more awake - have only got one pic of me in my party dress which is a little disappointing but I'll post that tomorrow anyway. Time to chill out and try and get some sleep.
One thing that did happen on the way back was that I set off the metal detector and had to be frisked - not a big deal since everyone seemed to be setting this particular one off and, in the past I've been randomly selected for extra checked before.
However, I did discover why they have a female security officer; when they frisk women they actually do check for the underwire in the bra so it's certainly a little more intimate that the male version. I was a little tired and hungover so I must have seemed a bit odd to say the least. In fact I wondered if they wondered whether someone would go to the extremes of dressing up to get the full female 'security' experience!
Anyway, no problems and everyone seemed to use the appropriate pronouns and I was treated fairly normally.
One thing I did notice was that people in Dublin seem to have less of a problem with overtly staring out you! It did getting annoying after a while so I actually starred back at someone which probably freaked her out - I try NOT to do this as I prefer to not make people feel uncomfortable so they come away from any encounter with a positive view rather than being creeped out.
Will write more about the weekend when I'm more awake - have only got one pic of me in my party dress which is a little disappointing but I'll post that tomorrow anyway. Time to chill out and try and get some sleep.
Drunk again
Well, it is gone 3am and I'm back for the work Christmas party and I talked to some wonderful people and ate some nice food and drank alot of wine. So all in all a really good Christmas party.
But, I am back in my hotel room with tears streaming down my face - why? Well partly alcohol-induced I guess I just feel lonely. I have no-one to come back to, no-one to share Christmas with, no-one to who fancies me or who thinks I am special.
Hmm, I could go on but it's self-indulgent self-pity really and I'm sure no-one really wants to read that.
I think the only think worth mentioning is that, while I can generally can keep things together on a day-to-day basis there comes a point when everything just gets too much - I've reached and past that point. This year can't end soon enough, it has been too painful and it seems to be coming to a close with more thing going adly wrong than I had expected,
F***, sh** ,,, I really don't have the energy for more comment.
But, I am back in my hotel room with tears streaming down my face - why? Well partly alcohol-induced I guess I just feel lonely. I have no-one to come back to, no-one to share Christmas with, no-one to who fancies me or who thinks I am special.
Hmm, I could go on but it's self-indulgent self-pity really and I'm sure no-one really wants to read that.
I think the only think worth mentioning is that, while I can generally can keep things together on a day-to-day basis there comes a point when everything just gets too much - I've reached and past that point. This year can't end soon enough, it has been too painful and it seems to be coming to a close with more thing going adly wrong than I had expected,
F***, sh** ,,, I really don't have the energy for more comment.
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Lasted two weeks ...
... before going insane!
I'm not good with anything medical or in the slightest bit dangerous so I've done pretty well to last two weeks before completely freaking out over a slight twinge in my leg (likely due to sitting rather uncomfortably or because the cold I've got has started wandering around my body) which I immediately self-diagnosed as DVT and started to inwardly panic.
Of course, part of me is still ever-so-slightly sane so decided to drink some red wine (thins the blood) rather than jump to conclusions and start phoning NHS direct. Yes, I know, probably not the right thing to do if this really was a DVT thing but I'm not always entirely rational.
Anyway, the red wine took affect pretty quickly so I'm not in the mood to reflect on all of the things that have been going on recently that really should be crying out for good rant/whinge/cry but which I've been holding a bay.
Hmmm, I was going to start listing things but I think I can only come up with one thing at the moment: Christmas. My 'plan', if that is the right word was to basically just spend Christmas day on my own (in the absence of any opportunity to spend it with family) maybe enjoy a bit of relaxation, Christmas TV, wine, feel sorry for myself a bit and maybe even get some much-needed exercise by going out for a quick cycle around.
Boxing Day I was kind of unsure about as I might have got to see my son but probably not. Still I didn't mind hanging around in case I did get to see him though I have an invite from a close friend to spend that day with her which is really nice and is what I'm likely to do (about time I did some traveling to see friends!).
New Year is sorted out - going to spend that in Manchester and, while I've not really thought about it much, it does seem like a fab idea and, on paper, a much better plan than anything else I've ever done for New Year recently - mainly because it's a plan and it's in advance of the day! Previous New Years have kind of just been randomly organised and while fun I'm sure both B and myself wondered if we should at least have tried to get something sorted sooner.
Anyway, my very close friend today invited me to spend Christmas day with her and her family which is such a sweet thing to do and I'm really honoured to be asked (and wonder why on earth anyone would want to invite an almost complete stranger to Christmas Day ... which makes it even more special to offer really).
Of course this got me thinking: Someone elses Mum & Dad, who have never met me, are willing to invite me to spend Christmas day with them,, yet my own parents aren't even prepared to contemplate me coming up to drop off their presents let alone inviting me to spend Christmas Day with them when they are fully aware that I am, quite understandably, not going to be able to spend it with, what was my own little family (I don't harbour any grudges against B for this, I really don't want to spoil her Christmas).
Admittedly I have said to a few people that I would feel a little uncomfortable having to spend Christmas with my parents but that is just an independence thing since it's been such a long time since I did that feel somewhat 'too old' for that sort of thing. But thinking about it, I think it would be nice to have at least been asked.
I know that my transition has come as a huge shock to my parents and I know it is unfair to expect them to deal with all of this so quickly and be able to welcome me back with open arms when they really can't comprehend what is going on. Equally I can't help feeling upset that the only offer of welcome on Christmas day is from someone elses Mum and Dad - it just seems wrong that this is the case. I maybe should be more angry and upset about it but I guess I'm just accepting how things are until I get drunk enough to really feel sorry for myself.
One more thing: as a final touch of irony the red wine on which I am currently getting drunk is called "¬Lost Sheep" - I thought that was pretty funny when I bought it but it's absolutely hilarious now.
I'm not good with anything medical or in the slightest bit dangerous so I've done pretty well to last two weeks before completely freaking out over a slight twinge in my leg (likely due to sitting rather uncomfortably or because the cold I've got has started wandering around my body) which I immediately self-diagnosed as DVT and started to inwardly panic.
Of course, part of me is still ever-so-slightly sane so decided to drink some red wine (thins the blood) rather than jump to conclusions and start phoning NHS direct. Yes, I know, probably not the right thing to do if this really was a DVT thing but I'm not always entirely rational.
Anyway, the red wine took affect pretty quickly so I'm not in the mood to reflect on all of the things that have been going on recently that really should be crying out for good rant/whinge/cry but which I've been holding a bay.
Hmmm, I was going to start listing things but I think I can only come up with one thing at the moment: Christmas. My 'plan', if that is the right word was to basically just spend Christmas day on my own (in the absence of any opportunity to spend it with family) maybe enjoy a bit of relaxation, Christmas TV, wine, feel sorry for myself a bit and maybe even get some much-needed exercise by going out for a quick cycle around.
Boxing Day I was kind of unsure about as I might have got to see my son but probably not. Still I didn't mind hanging around in case I did get to see him though I have an invite from a close friend to spend that day with her which is really nice and is what I'm likely to do (about time I did some traveling to see friends!).
New Year is sorted out - going to spend that in Manchester and, while I've not really thought about it much, it does seem like a fab idea and, on paper, a much better plan than anything else I've ever done for New Year recently - mainly because it's a plan and it's in advance of the day! Previous New Years have kind of just been randomly organised and while fun I'm sure both B and myself wondered if we should at least have tried to get something sorted sooner.
Anyway, my very close friend today invited me to spend Christmas day with her and her family which is such a sweet thing to do and I'm really honoured to be asked (and wonder why on earth anyone would want to invite an almost complete stranger to Christmas Day ... which makes it even more special to offer really).
Of course this got me thinking: Someone elses Mum & Dad, who have never met me, are willing to invite me to spend Christmas day with them,, yet my own parents aren't even prepared to contemplate me coming up to drop off their presents let alone inviting me to spend Christmas Day with them when they are fully aware that I am, quite understandably, not going to be able to spend it with, what was my own little family (I don't harbour any grudges against B for this, I really don't want to spoil her Christmas).
Admittedly I have said to a few people that I would feel a little uncomfortable having to spend Christmas with my parents but that is just an independence thing since it's been such a long time since I did that feel somewhat 'too old' for that sort of thing. But thinking about it, I think it would be nice to have at least been asked.
I know that my transition has come as a huge shock to my parents and I know it is unfair to expect them to deal with all of this so quickly and be able to welcome me back with open arms when they really can't comprehend what is going on. Equally I can't help feeling upset that the only offer of welcome on Christmas day is from someone elses Mum and Dad - it just seems wrong that this is the case. I maybe should be more angry and upset about it but I guess I'm just accepting how things are until I get drunk enough to really feel sorry for myself.
One more thing: as a final touch of irony the red wine on which I am currently getting drunk is called "¬Lost Sheep" - I thought that was pretty funny when I bought it but it's absolutely hilarious now.
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Skating on thin ice
Two blog posts coming up to cover everything thing that has been happening this weekend ... might even stretch it to three if I'm feeling really inspired!
I was meeting up with Kim today for a few brief hours between her unbelievably hectic work life! We met up in Manchester, which is all nice and Christmassy at the moment with the lights on, the German markets installed and doing a fantastic trade by the look of things. Anyway Kim had txt'ed earlier about there being an outdoor skating rink that has just been setup, took a bit of finding it but we got there in the end.
Can't say I remember skating before, maybe I have done it once but it was a long time ago - anyway, I was nervous about falling on my bottom and making a fool of myself! By some miracle that didn't happen and we did manage to have a good skate around and chatted during all of this which was pretty impressive considering I was concentrating intently on the ice to avoid getting a closer look at it!
Was fantastic fun and I'd really recommend anyone to go along and have a try - wrap up warm though I could hardly feel my fingers! Oh and wear thick socks, the boots can be a bit uncomfortable!
I was meeting up with Kim today for a few brief hours between her unbelievably hectic work life! We met up in Manchester, which is all nice and Christmassy at the moment with the lights on, the German markets installed and doing a fantastic trade by the look of things. Anyway Kim had txt'ed earlier about there being an outdoor skating rink that has just been setup, took a bit of finding it but we got there in the end.
Can't say I remember skating before, maybe I have done it once but it was a long time ago - anyway, I was nervous about falling on my bottom and making a fool of myself! By some miracle that didn't happen and we did manage to have a good skate around and chatted during all of this which was pretty impressive considering I was concentrating intently on the ice to avoid getting a closer look at it!
Was fantastic fun and I'd really recommend anyone to go along and have a try - wrap up warm though I could hardly feel my fingers! Oh and wear thick socks, the boots can be a bit uncomfortable!
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