This is the title of a song by Jewel which I really love and feel the lyrics of which are rather apt at the moment. I've always been pretty naive and trusting and I guess always seen only the good in people and never considered that all of us have a dark side as well. It's a simplistic and childish view and I certainly needed to do some growing up (still do).
But now I do feel like I'm jumped forward in the cynicism a bit, I really have been upset and angry about some things and not just brushed them off as I use to (and sometimes cry about them quietly later). It's like the glasses are clear and there is less of a rose-coloured tint to them.
I'm not sad though, and I still do firmly believe that the glass if half-full and it's pretty cool I've got a glass in the first place! Like the song says, I'm not pretending any more though, I'm maybe still dreaming though and approaching things philosophically which I still think is a good way to be :)
[ And I still keep smiling and littering my writing with copious :) 's as well :) ]
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Not Funny Anymore
I was going to write about the joys of hayfever and how it seems to be, so far at least, quite bad for me this year and that it's rather inconvenient when a) cycling, b) wearing make-up and c) attempting not to have ugly blood-shot eyes with dark bags under them. That would certainly count as "Not Funny".
But what just struck me was making (or trying to make) a witty reply to something a friend posted on FaceBook. I use to be full of one-liners and smart comments. In reality they probably weren't that funny, smart, or welcome, but at least it meant that I felt I was with it in some way and at least came across as bright and chirpy (probably also not entirely welcome in alot of cases).
So it occurred to me that I just don't have that anymore. I think part of it is me growing up somewhat; I was always pretty immature and, while I'm not claiming to be completely cured in this respect, I feel that I now have a fair amount of 'serious' experience which has an affect on who I am and how I behave. I use to write about the trials and tribulations of my life but, looking back, I think I did that in a fairly detached way. Now I feel and experience the reality of my situation and life almost constantly.
I'm not depressed or anything, and I certainly have lots of things to be happy about (for example seeing my son at the weekend, and meeting up with friends, and photography ... the list goes on), but I'm just a tad more serious, cynical, and real about life than I was before. Less naive maybe. But still hopeful I think.
But what just struck me was making (or trying to make) a witty reply to something a friend posted on FaceBook. I use to be full of one-liners and smart comments. In reality they probably weren't that funny, smart, or welcome, but at least it meant that I felt I was with it in some way and at least came across as bright and chirpy (probably also not entirely welcome in alot of cases).
So it occurred to me that I just don't have that anymore. I think part of it is me growing up somewhat; I was always pretty immature and, while I'm not claiming to be completely cured in this respect, I feel that I now have a fair amount of 'serious' experience which has an affect on who I am and how I behave. I use to write about the trials and tribulations of my life but, looking back, I think I did that in a fairly detached way. Now I feel and experience the reality of my situation and life almost constantly.
I'm not depressed or anything, and I certainly have lots of things to be happy about (for example seeing my son at the weekend, and meeting up with friends, and photography ... the list goes on), but I'm just a tad more serious, cynical, and real about life than I was before. Less naive maybe. But still hopeful I think.
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Spring has Sprung
The gorgeous, clear, and sunny weather that we've had over the past two days has really lifted my mood, not that I was particularly down but I definitely was in a winter, rather than summer mind-set. So today I decided not to waste this fantastic weather and took a few photos on the walk from the office to Heslington. I've just been processing them now and I'm really, really, pleased with the sharpness and colour - all this with some random compositions and standard lens. I really want to do more photos this week (subject to weather) and again, I'm really going to have to get my image gallery sorted so I can host all these (might have to use deviant Art in the meantime).
Monday, 15 February 2010
Chinese New Year
Sunday was spent in Manchester with my son seeing the Chinese New Year celebrations. On the plus side we had a good time, managed to see some of the performances (the Dragon for example), took a few pictures and ate some nice food. Ultimately though it was rather over-crowded and we didn't stay into the evening to see the fireworks.It was lovely to see my son again and I must mention what really made the day extra special. For a start I was able to pick him up from his house rather than meeting somewhere else. This in itself is an amazingly huge step and I am thankful enough for that alone. But I also got to stay for a while when I dropped him off and got to see the wonderful home in which he lives and also his bedroom.
I know that sounds a bit silly, it's just a room after all, but it had changed so much since I was last there and ... I really don't know how to explain it. It was just something I wanted to be able to share in and be able to picture in my head when I talked to him on the phone.
When I left I was close to tears I was so grateful and happy, I really can't describe how much it meant to me. All I can say is Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Thank you.
Sunday, 8 November 2009
I LOVE the Trafford Centre
I wish I could get commission or advertising revenue for this in some way though I suspect the constant references to the Trafford Centre either have no affect or are likely to turn some people off it!With all the new job, moving, and of course not being as close as before I've not been to the Trafford Centre for a while and I guess seeing it with all the Christmas decorations also helped to give it a 'magical' air when I stepped into it yesterday.
I know that it may seem obvious that someone who declares herself to be a shopaholic would like somewhere that provided so many shops but that's not entirely it. It's how the place feels as well; exciting, happy and full of life. Again, some of this is down to the shopping experience itself but simply having a number of shops in one place doesn't a magical consumer paradise make. You need atmosphere, a clean, open, modern, and yet classic environment and decor. There are lots of shopping centres (and malls) that manage it but there are many I've been too that don't.
There are alot of arguments against consumerism and being materialistic but I think you'd have to unravel an awful lot of modern, western society to remove it completely and the success of shopping centres such as the Trafford Centre are a clear indication of this. Would I like the place if I had no money and nothing to buy there, well yes, I probably would. How it feels is enough to cheer me up, even without buying anything there myself.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Happy Girl
While I was driving back from York yesterday I was listening to one of the three 'happy songs' CDs that I have in the car - these are mixes of cheerful music that I made to keep me up-beat while on journeys that are long because of distance or delay (I have an equivalent play-list I use on my phone's mp3 player for cycling up big hills).
One of the tracks is Happy Girl by Martina McBride which is fantastic to sing along to and just make yourself feel happier and cheerier. The lyrics do actually apply well to me and it got me thinking that, with everything I have been through over the past few years, I am still very much a happy girl and in fact always have been. I think I've mentioned this on the blog before but it's worth pointing out again.
There are times when I do feel low and there are certainly posts on the blog which sound like I may be upset, angry, bitter, and depressed. My inarticulate writings may not be able to convey my feelings properly and it's quite possible that I come across as more negative, insecure or down-right insane than I actually am. The reality is that I am a positive person. I'm also approachable, open, friendly, and not in the least bit scary or indimidating. In short, I'm just a nice, happy, normal person.
This line of thinking brought me to the idea of stereotypes: I'm constantly surprised and intrigued recently by people who don't conform to my built-in set of expected behaviours from certain groups. I started to come to the conclusion that I shouldn't be basing my amazement at contradications to stereotypes but instead should approach everyone who is interesting from an individual perspective. This seemed akin to the view of "Wen the Eternally Surprised" who is a character in the Terry Pratchett book Thief of Time.
For example, I passed a large, elegant car (something from maybe the 70s that gently suggested 'classic automobile' and hinted that the owner had this from new and had looked after it well) on the motorway driven by an aged, white-haired Indian gentleman, wearing I suit or similar smart attire, and also occupied by several elderly ladies who appeared to be knitting and gossiping. Obviously the contrasts in terms of culture and skin colour, all based on stereotypes, were striking but I think just as individuals all the occupants of that car, and the vehicle itself would be amazingly interesting in their own right.
It also made me consider that the stereotypes concerning transgendered people may also be the background against which those who have not personally encountered anyone of this nature before view my comments. I'm not sure what the general view may be, I'm obviously biased, but certainly for the available documentaries and news stories of 'ordinary' transexuals we could certainly be perceived as complex, pushy, emotional, sensitive, obsessive, glamourous (I wish!), unstable even. I think almost any group portrayed on TV actually comes across like this, which says more about that medium than about the people being viewed through it!
Being trans myself I take a different perspective which I think is the one that, after the initial coverage of the gender stuff, is more amazing: it's everything else about someone that makes them truly interesting. I certainly use to enjoy the friendly curiosity of others concerning my trans nature, it made me feel special in some way, but now I realise that that attention is fleeting and also there are things about me just as there are about others that are much more worthy of discussion.
There are many examples of the other interesting aspects in peoples lives I have friends who, as well as being trans also; have a model railway shop, can sing and play guitar (and publish videos of themselves doing this - they would say they aren't that good, I just think they are brave and that alone is amazing), work as escorts (this may tend to a bad stereotype of trans people but it's nevertheless interesting), have a job as a welder, are financial experts, run restaurants, work in IT ... actually that last one is generally accepted as quite common lol!
The point is, we are all normal human beings, not extreme in any real sense, friendly, approachable, and fascinating ... just like almost everyone else you are likely to meet in the world. So, lets all try and throw away our stereotypes and see that we are all individuals ("Yes, we are all individuals!" ... "I'm not"), and all amazing, intriguing, and fascinating in our own right. There is so much to learn and experience out there, lets concentrate on that.
One of the tracks is Happy Girl by Martina McBride which is fantastic to sing along to and just make yourself feel happier and cheerier. The lyrics do actually apply well to me and it got me thinking that, with everything I have been through over the past few years, I am still very much a happy girl and in fact always have been. I think I've mentioned this on the blog before but it's worth pointing out again.
There are times when I do feel low and there are certainly posts on the blog which sound like I may be upset, angry, bitter, and depressed. My inarticulate writings may not be able to convey my feelings properly and it's quite possible that I come across as more negative, insecure or down-right insane than I actually am. The reality is that I am a positive person. I'm also approachable, open, friendly, and not in the least bit scary or indimidating. In short, I'm just a nice, happy, normal person.
This line of thinking brought me to the idea of stereotypes: I'm constantly surprised and intrigued recently by people who don't conform to my built-in set of expected behaviours from certain groups. I started to come to the conclusion that I shouldn't be basing my amazement at contradications to stereotypes but instead should approach everyone who is interesting from an individual perspective. This seemed akin to the view of "Wen the Eternally Surprised" who is a character in the Terry Pratchett book Thief of Time.
For example, I passed a large, elegant car (something from maybe the 70s that gently suggested 'classic automobile' and hinted that the owner had this from new and had looked after it well) on the motorway driven by an aged, white-haired Indian gentleman, wearing I suit or similar smart attire, and also occupied by several elderly ladies who appeared to be knitting and gossiping. Obviously the contrasts in terms of culture and skin colour, all based on stereotypes, were striking but I think just as individuals all the occupants of that car, and the vehicle itself would be amazingly interesting in their own right.
It also made me consider that the stereotypes concerning transgendered people may also be the background against which those who have not personally encountered anyone of this nature before view my comments. I'm not sure what the general view may be, I'm obviously biased, but certainly for the available documentaries and news stories of 'ordinary' transexuals we could certainly be perceived as complex, pushy, emotional, sensitive, obsessive, glamourous (I wish!), unstable even. I think almost any group portrayed on TV actually comes across like this, which says more about that medium than about the people being viewed through it!
Being trans myself I take a different perspective which I think is the one that, after the initial coverage of the gender stuff, is more amazing: it's everything else about someone that makes them truly interesting. I certainly use to enjoy the friendly curiosity of others concerning my trans nature, it made me feel special in some way, but now I realise that that attention is fleeting and also there are things about me just as there are about others that are much more worthy of discussion.
There are many examples of the other interesting aspects in peoples lives I have friends who, as well as being trans also; have a model railway shop, can sing and play guitar (and publish videos of themselves doing this - they would say they aren't that good, I just think they are brave and that alone is amazing), work as escorts (this may tend to a bad stereotype of trans people but it's nevertheless interesting), have a job as a welder, are financial experts, run restaurants, work in IT ... actually that last one is generally accepted as quite common lol!
The point is, we are all normal human beings, not extreme in any real sense, friendly, approachable, and fascinating ... just like almost everyone else you are likely to meet in the world. So, lets all try and throw away our stereotypes and see that we are all individuals ("Yes, we are all individuals!" ... "I'm not"), and all amazing, intriguing, and fascinating in our own right. There is so much to learn and experience out there, lets concentrate on that.
Monday, 5 October 2009
I spoke too soon ....
I HAVE A JOB!
OMG!
I can't believe it, I am so unbelievably happy, emotional, .... just crying with joy and emotion (damn hormones!).
WOW!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
OMG!
I can't believe it, I am so unbelievably happy, emotional, .... just crying with joy and emotion (damn hormones!).
WOW!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
Friday, 25 September 2009
The Elephant in the room
I'm not entirely sure where I heard this phrase first or who it was that mentioned it but I know it was in the context of a transgender discussion and I suspect it is something that is referred to quite alot.
Over the past few weeks I've had cause to contemplate this phrase numerous times when I consider the number of interactions I've had with people where there could indeed be alot of things that go unsaid or unasked. In some ways it's good that these things have remained that way, there should be no need to refer to me being trans since it has no real affect on my skills, intelligence, abilities, etc. Then again there is the nagging feeling that by trying to ignore such a big issue only makes others more uncomfortable.
My approach before has generally to try and be open and honest and maybe even go completely over-the-top by enthusiastically pointing out the elephant and describing it in, sometimes excrutiating, detail. Now I don't feel that need to do that nor do I want to be that explicit about intimate information about myself with people on a face-to-face basis (this blog is fine, I'm sure most people have got bored of reading it now lol).
So I guess that I'm going to have to learn to live with this large elephant in the room for a while because I think that is the best approach now, I know if I do point it out both of us are going to feel embarassed and in some ways just knowing that I have my large, grey, friend with me gives me some comfort and strength. I think I do still need to put people at their ease as well so I propose to get a little friend for my elephant:
which will hopefully make everyone smile at the three of us.
P.S. Suggestions of *original* names for this, and his larger friend would be very much appreciated. Obvious aliterations are to be avoided!
Over the past few weeks I've had cause to contemplate this phrase numerous times when I consider the number of interactions I've had with people where there could indeed be alot of things that go unsaid or unasked. In some ways it's good that these things have remained that way, there should be no need to refer to me being trans since it has no real affect on my skills, intelligence, abilities, etc. Then again there is the nagging feeling that by trying to ignore such a big issue only makes others more uncomfortable.
My approach before has generally to try and be open and honest and maybe even go completely over-the-top by enthusiastically pointing out the elephant and describing it in, sometimes excrutiating, detail. Now I don't feel that need to do that nor do I want to be that explicit about intimate information about myself with people on a face-to-face basis (this blog is fine, I'm sure most people have got bored of reading it now lol).
So I guess that I'm going to have to learn to live with this large elephant in the room for a while because I think that is the best approach now, I know if I do point it out both of us are going to feel embarassed and in some ways just knowing that I have my large, grey, friend with me gives me some comfort and strength. I think I do still need to put people at their ease as well so I propose to get a little friend for my elephant:
which will hopefully make everyone smile at the three of us.P.S. Suggestions of *original* names for this, and his larger friend would be very much appreciated. Obvious aliterations are to be avoided!
Friday, 21 August 2009
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Music not to give up to
Following on from the previous post I thought I would list some of the music that inspires me and helps keep me going, hopefully it will have the same up-lifting affect on others.
- Never Give Up On Me - Jann Arden, Blood Red Cherry
- Breathe - Michelle Branch, Hotel Paper
- Believe Again - Brinck, Eurovison 2009
- Collapsed - Aly & Aj, Into the Rush
- Never In A Million Years - Cara Dillion, After The Morning
- Should've Been The One - Debbie Gibson, Electric Youth (and a few other songs on that album too!)
- Just Like You - Jeni Varnadeau, Something Changed
- My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson, All I Ever Wanted
- This Love - The Veronicas, Hook Me Up
Thursday, 29 May 2008
People actually read this blog!
What's more these are people that I actually know in real life, have met face to face, and whose opinions mean and awful lot to me. This isn't too surprising in itself as I've had e-mails from real-life friends about this blog before but today's message was slightly different as it was from my friends L's parents!
It never occurred to me that this blog and the things that I write and pictures that I post here and on Flickr would really be read by anyone other than random strangers or friends that I had directly told about me. I guess I also realised that friends of friends may also get to see this - this happened recently and was apparently quite amusing for all concerned but I'm not really bothered by that (well not too much anyway).
I was really good friends with L when I was at school and through the college years but as with alot of people, I lost touch with her and only really got back in contact at the end of last year. I have fond memories of L's mother and step-Dad and being beaten by all of them at Trivial Pursuit - and just being generally out-classed by at anything involving general knowledge or almost any subject apart from those thing computer-related.
I'd explained about me and sent links for the blog to L quite a few weeks ago but hadn't had time to e-mail again and I know she is busy with her life so had not heard anything back after the initial few msgs we exchanged. So the e-mail from her Mum was completely out of the blue and was such a pleasant surprise! It's really cheered me up no end :D
Anyway, in order to stay as objective and honest as possible, I'm going to have to be extra careful to completely block out thoughts of who reads this blog in future now that I know it's reaching an even wider audience!
[ P.S. Since I know you three are reading this; L, L & G I think you're all fantastic ]
It never occurred to me that this blog and the things that I write and pictures that I post here and on Flickr would really be read by anyone other than random strangers or friends that I had directly told about me. I guess I also realised that friends of friends may also get to see this - this happened recently and was apparently quite amusing for all concerned but I'm not really bothered by that (well not too much anyway).
I was really good friends with L when I was at school and through the college years but as with alot of people, I lost touch with her and only really got back in contact at the end of last year. I have fond memories of L's mother and step-Dad and being beaten by all of them at Trivial Pursuit - and just being generally out-classed by at anything involving general knowledge or almost any subject apart from those thing computer-related.
I'd explained about me and sent links for the blog to L quite a few weeks ago but hadn't had time to e-mail again and I know she is busy with her life so had not heard anything back after the initial few msgs we exchanged. So the e-mail from her Mum was completely out of the blue and was such a pleasant surprise! It's really cheered me up no end :D
Anyway, in order to stay as objective and honest as possible, I'm going to have to be extra careful to completely block out thoughts of who reads this blog in future now that I know it's reaching an even wider audience!
[ P.S. Since I know you three are reading this; L, L & G I think you're all fantastic ]
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