The Elephant in the room

I'm not entirely sure where I heard this phrase first or who it was that mentioned it but I know it was in the context of a transgender discussion and I suspect it is something that is referred to quite alot.

Over the past few weeks I've had cause to contemplate this phrase numerous times when I consider the number of interactions I've had with people where there could indeed be alot of things that go unsaid or unasked. In some ways it's good that these things have remained that way, there should be no need to refer to me being trans since it has no real affect on my skills, intelligence, abilities, etc. Then again there is the nagging feeling that by trying to ignore such a big issue only makes others more uncomfortable.

My approach before has generally to try and be open and honest and maybe even go completely over-the-top by enthusiastically pointing out the elephant and describing it in, sometimes excrutiating, detail. Now I don't feel that need to do that nor do I want to be that explicit about intimate information about myself with people on a face-to-face basis (this blog is fine, I'm sure most people have got bored of reading it now lol).

So I guess that I'm going to have to learn to live with this large elephant in the room for a while because I think that is the best approach now, I know if I do point it out both of us are going to feel embarassed and in some ways just knowing that I have my large, grey, friend with me gives me some comfort and strength. I think I do still need to put people at their ease as well so I propose to get a little friend for my elephant:

which will hopefully make everyone smile at the three of us.

P.S. Suggestions of *original* names for this, and his larger friend would be very much appreciated. Obvious aliterations are to be avoided!

You must suffer, we did, so you have to as well!

People can be very strange, and I include myself in that as well, obviously! There were a few things from yesterday that seemed to be related and thinking (in the shower - I do my best thinking in the shower) this morning I though of something else that could be tied in.

Someone made a really silly error in some code yesterday, the sort of thing that you look at and feel complelled to denounce as stupid, idiotic and just plain crazy. Basically a perfectly valid excuse to make yourself feel superior at some elses expense (even better when the person concerned is nowhere in sight).

It turns out though that the person concerned is fairly junior and not very experienced, and when you learn that the mistake is more understandable and it's much less fun to get on your high horse and start berating them for there incompetance.

I also noticed at thread on one of the forums concerning a story on the BBC new site about a Transsexual on hunger strike and the few responses at the time had effectively attacked what she was doing and the way she went about her treatment. Again it was all too easy to get up on that high horse and start the self-righteous ranting, and I admit I was tempted to do the same.

It then occurred to me that I should maybe read the article properly and *think* about what this person could have gone through.

One of the specific points that came up about this article was that the person concerned should have gone the NHS route for treatment and whinging about it now and expecting help wasn't right. I don't really know much about the big debate that seems to rage over private/NHS options but it seems to me that most of the arguments boil down to this: we had to suffer and go through this complicated route so you do to!

A-levels, GCSE's are all getting 'easier' if those currently in work and having these exams as a distant memory are to be believed. Kids today have got it easy we (yes, I've done it too) say. They shouldn't be allowed into university with such low-standards of academic achievement! We had to do much tougher exams than they did. We had to suffer and so should they.

So in essence there are two things that came to mind out of all of this:

1. It's so easy to jump on the slightest mistakes people make and berate.
2. If we had to suffer to achieve something that it's only right that everyone else go through the same pain

Sometimes you just have to think for a while before saying anything ... now if only I could follow my own advice!