Monday, 24 March 2008


I am stupid.

There, I've said it. People have hinted at it, maybe other words have been used, a good friend of mine in school once said that I "say a lot of rubbish but every now and then say something really important" which was actually pretty sweet but sadly 100% accurate and therefore tantamount (always wanted to write that in a sentence) to "stupid" anyway.

Why am I stupid I don't hear you ask? (Is this really rhetorical with a negative in it?) Well teh current reason is that I have attempted to talk too much about things. I've never really got to grips with keeping surprises (secrets I'm 100% water-tight on, since 1. I like to see people happy so don't go blabbing things that upset them and 2. I often forget secrets, or at least put them to the back of my mind).

Where was I, oh yes, surprises and things about me and things I'm interested in or find amusing, or quirky. I just LOVE to talk/chat/gossip and I don't mind setting myself up to be the butt of a joke or, what I see as a humourous scenario. What's worse is this extends pretty much to ANYTHING I've done or do and I have no concept of filtering things.

So, when I felt that I was being interesting in telling my wife that one of my friends at work had some alternative extra-curricula activities (I know this person may read this blog; don't worry, nothing 'important' was divulged, all secrets are still safe, you were just being used as an example of how naive I am) this was not filed in the same way I view this sort of information.

It was then linked to the next piece of prime stupidity which was to tell my wife that this friend and I had been to dinner; all perfectly innocent, we've had dinner before (and I've made no secret of that ... I love food and drink, and I love to have these with friends). The only difference this time was I was in Fiona mode (sorry, geekisms unfortunately creep in, "mode" indeed!).

Link that to the first piece of information and we arrive at the following two words:


Apparently this friend of mine is "encouraging" me to do more Fiona things. No she is not. Absolutely not ... other Friends *are* (but only in the sense that they are interested in the same things; clothes, shopping, shoes, etc) but this particular friend isn't, she just has a very broad range of life experience and my little 'hobby' is minor by comparison.

The "grooming" bit, which I particularly disliked due to the sexual-deviant overtones (given the frequent usage of this word in the context of sex offenders), is due to what was perceived as my constant discussions on topics related to gender, sexuality, and related areas. Apparently I was "grooming" my wife to accept my lifestyle and behaviours.

I won't deny that, over the past 2years I've wanted acceptance and understanding and even involvement, and I can certainly see that I've gone on about things quite alot, too much by the sounds of it. But I see "grooming" as a rather offensive term, one which sounds like it came from either spontaneous angry or from a more lengthy discussion over the weekend between my wife and her family. Or it could be part of the general paranoia about me that I twist things and try and put my wife down.

For the record I'm not that clever. I can't twist things as I generally don't remember enough details! I'm also not smart enough for anything too convoluted or dastardly and generally judt trundle through life trying to enjoy myself!

No comments: