The affect on my son

My son has always been quite awkward about getting up and getting ready for school - well mainly it's the eating breakfast bit, he is, with prompting okay about putting on his clothes and brushing his teeth etc.

This morning he was terribly slow and I was getting quite annoyed with him, though I didn't shout. In the end my wife and I decided that he'd stay at home and have a sleep. When she put him in bed he admitted that he'd been "tricking" us so we had a frantic dash to get ready for school.

In the mad rush I decided I wanted to know what was really going on so I sat him down to talk to him and ask what was bothering him. He eventually admitted that "Mummy and Daddy arguing" made him sad. I tried to explain to him that none of this was his fault and that both of us still loved him very much and we always would but that we had some things to sort out.

This is obviously not good and I'm not really sure how to help him through this and make him understand at least some of what is happening (the split, me going to work away, etc) so that he is not too upset.

Anyway, we got to school late (only a few mins) and, as my son entered the room he spotted his teacher and said:

"Miss *****, you've forgotten ME!"

I looked at his teacher and said what both of us were thinking: "No-one could forget you, son".

The end: it's official

I thought I'd have this as a separate post for dramatic impact and clarity.

My wife said tonight that, we were officially separated 2 weeks ago so that I no longer have to wear my wedding ring.

Tonight at around 23:15 I removed my wedding ring and put it on my right hand because I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. I use to think I needed to get a chain for it as it has always been pretty lose and I didn't want to lose it. I may still do this or just find somewhere to keep it safe. I won't be throwing it away or destroying it or anything like that.

I updated Facebook to say "Single" ... strangely this was a harder and more telling thing to do than removing my wedding ring.

My fault

Well, it probably is my fault. My wife certainly sees it that way.

We talked about some practical things and seem to be agreed on those. The finances still need some working on and I guess we need to consider different scenarios about the house and such but there doesn't seem to be anything in the short term that should be a big problem while I am away in Vancouver (assuming I'm going there).

However, I am (and I've always wanted to use this phrase but didn't expect it would apply to me or these circumstance): persona non gratia and am not 'allowed' back in this house once I fly out at the end of April - and even that is too far away apparently. My wife wanted the keys back as well but I said that I would keep one set of keys, make no copies, and agree to only enter the house if I have my wife's 'permission'.

I really need to think about all of this and maybe get some legal advice to see where I really do stand.

My wife is also adamant that my son must not be "influenced" or "groomed" for some TG lifestyle and non of my "friends" (of the TG persuasion - though I did point out that TS would probably be fine as they are not likely to be obvious "weirdos") should be around when he is with me. Also I need to "cut my nails" and not show any signs of TGism. Maybe I need to seek legal advice on this as well, though I have no intention of giving any bias to my son's upbringing, I have made my choices and he should be free to make his as well.

I did try and point out that I wouldn't want to outright lie to my son if he asked my views on a topic (my wife started getting more upset at this point) but I would not be encouraging him and certainly wouldn't even be covering any of this until he was much older - my limit on age is a bit lower that my wife's; I'm thinking early teens (when these questions come up) and she stated 18 which is probably a little late.

We seemed to finish the discussion relatively amicably though my wife is still not happy about the keys situation.

Back home, not sure for how long

Well, having spent two nights with my parents I really needed to get out and have some space - I really did feel quite awkward there and my Mum was clearly upset (though holding it together very well) and my Dad seemed to be annoyed with me.

I should correct the "annoyed" feeling as, when I returned home, I had a very moving e-mail from my Dad saying, in essence that he was finding this hard to talk about but that, I was his son and he and my Mum would always be there for me.

This means an awful lot (I had tears in my eye's reading what he wrote and I'm sure he was equally moved when writing it) and just goes to show that, generally, we can all be useless at communicating and understanding what everyone else around us is really feeling or thinking ... and how did we manage before we could use computers to get our inner-most thoughts out?!

Anyway, I left my parents place this morning and went to the Trafford Centre to meet up with a friend, nothing really of consequence happened before then, I was just killing time really - I did obviously look at the clothes in the shop windows and what everyone was wearing to get ideas and inspiration. I did see a (rather tall) woman in a shortish skirt (can't remember her top), and wearing tights with cats on! I thought it was such a fab look - she was also in some pretty high platform shoes and dwarfed her partner.

I've just been looking for the tights and found these links

Not the ones but funky nonetheless
Lots of prints here, not the ones I was looking for though

Nope, can't find them! If anyone knows where to get black tights that have pictures of cats on (covering the entire area of the tights) then let me know!

Anyway, met up with a friend and had a REALLY good chat for over 3hours! Explained all about me and the problems my wife is having coping with everything and the imminent split. Was really lovely to just talk. I had to use the "Eddie Izzard" analogy to explain about me at first (we need more famous TG people ... or I need to know about more that are already out there).

My friend was also going though a rough time with relationships at the moment but I don't think her problems got a fair share of the time ... must try and even things up a little in future! Anyway nice to talk to someone face to face and it did help me get alot of things in perspective and to stop me feeling so angry with everyone else and sorry for myself.

Now, I'm back home and my wife and son will be back soon - apparently my wife and I need to have some more talking to "tweak" the financial arrangements that I e-mailed her about over the weekend. And we need to talk about other stuff I guess as well.

They are back.

A few more thougths

From yesterdays "fun":

• My father-in-law said that I have a "problem".
• I'm a risk to my son because his friends could pick up on the signs (longer nails, hair, etc) and start taking the mickey out of him
• What I do is not "normal" apparently
• Nobody trusts me on *anything* - not just the TGirl stuff, apparently I'm likely to fly out of the country and stop paying the bills and other nasty things

So really, it looks like the eating worms thing is the only option left to me, clearly, everyone else would be happy if my "problem" went away which, by extension, means that I would have to go also.