London bound

I'd moved my latest check-up appointment with Dr Curtis for a few reasons, one being that my blood test results weren't all back yet (I had lots of numbers apart from the all important testosterone count). In the end I still didn't have the full set of results but everything was booked anyway.

To make a day of it Lucy came down as well to enjoy the delights of London which included fab, sunny weather, lots of shops, the relative peace of Hyde Park, the nutter who called us "Faggots" (more of this in a seperate post), tame squirrel, ice cream and lots of walking (all not necessarily in that order).

On the whole I lost the use of my camera that day as Lucy took over and got some pretty impressive shots.









The weather was amazing, lovely and sunny and warm (well hot really) and while not too bad on the tube I don't think it would have been that pleasant crammed into busy trains in rush hour (we avoided this).

Basically didn't do a huge amount before my appointment (wasn't really enough time and we did get delayed coming down as well due to a "fatality on the line") but had a nice meander around the shops (few of them), didn't buy anything as we were both skint. Still nice to look and see things to buy later!

Appointment went well (more of this seperately) and the break gave me a chance to change out of the nice shoes I came down wearing into trainers that were a little more comfortable and practical for doing lots more walking!

Had a wander across Hyde park and stopped to have a yummy ice cream as well as when we spotted a really tame squirrel that actually stayed still long enough for some decent pics:














Had a quick look in the Science Museum and also Natural History as well - nice that it's free to get into these and therefore a way to pass some time without feeling you've got to see every single thing there because you paid for it. Both were quite at that time of day (late afternoon).

Both of us were quite tired (heat, all the walking) so headed back to the tube so we could get back to Euston for the train home. Setting off from South Kensington at 17:30 and taking the Circle Line to Euston Square meant that we arrived around about 18:15 which was a little more than I thought, clearly a good idea to leave lots of time for even a simple journey.

Our train out was delayed (due to the continuing disruption from the "fatality on the line" from earlier) but only for about 30mins. The rush when a platform is announced, particularly when the train has been delayed, is quite amazing to watch or be involved in - I'm sure they would get some interesting video from ceiling-mounted cameras! Was a mad rush from everyone to get to their seats - ours being right at the front of the train and, by that point, most people had either gone to the carriages they were in or really couldn't take the pace!

So a tiring day out, but a good one. Was nice to have my best friend their and we got to have a chat, and have a fun day.

I had to continue my journey up to Manchester and on to Chorley alone and it gave me time to reflect a little. These kind of days out seem to be all about anticipation and then are frantic themselves and it's only when things are over that you realise that you had a good time and how nice it was to be with your best friend. Doesn't really matter what we'd done I know I would have still felt the same way at the end of the day. Best friends are just fab, thanks Lucy x

London bound again

I'm on my way down to London again for another check-up appointment with Dr Curtis. This is the 3rd trip down and I guess I'm feeling pretty blase about it all since I'm so use to the journey and the experience of seeing a specialist.

There is probably more to discuss this time though and I think at this point the reality of what I'm doing is setting in and the hormones are, as I've mentioned, having mental as well as the physiological effects. I think a friend put it best when she said that I'll be feeling like I need to find myself, another also commented about the sense of a loss of control. I think the only other thought that I would add to this is the desire to be close to someone, a longing for the company of friends to talk to as well as someone special to be there to care about me and who I want to care for.

Hmm, there was an awful lot of flowery/poetic language in that last paragraph, will try not to make a habit of it!

Anyway, I'm actually sat on the train looking like a proper geek at the moment being as I'm connected to the internet via the 3G broadband dongle and I'm also doing some work (though this is rather slow going as it takes ages for the code I'm working on to compile, run, and then invariably fail requiring the whole process to be repeated!

But back to the mobile brodband: sometimes it's just nice to have some useful technology that just works, it makes the day just that little bit brighter :D

Friday

I'm going to try and blog about this long weekend in three seperate chunks to make it a bit easier to follow and for me to remember. I really should have done all this at the time but really couldn't manage to fit it into all that was going on. This might mean that I just skip stuff and shorten my rambling, probably a good thing :)

Anyway, Friday: Got up ridiculously early on Friday so that I could have my shower and then dry and straighten my hair. It felt very important to me that I look 'right' for such an important step in my life so I'd been planning the outfit and look for a few days and had to make sure I got it right. Anyway, no major stresses in getting ready and was only about 10mins behind the time I wanted to leave the house - about 7:15! (no wonder I'm tired now).

No big problems getting to Manchester in plenty of time via local bus and then little train from Chorley; got a few looks but no outright staring. Nothing really in Manchester either, everyone was friendly and helpful.

Just a point on the whole staring thing: I try and let people do it and get it over with. Sometimes it does bug me, particularly if it's totally blantant or constant, like the nosy old woman on the train to London who just kept looking. But generally if I can see someone is trying to have a surreptitious look I just turn the other way and let them not feel too awkward. I know I look 'odd' and I'd prefer people to not feel awkward so they don't associate me, or other trans people, as a threat or something difficult to deal with.

Anyway, got to London, got in a taxi, which included the mildly racist, anti-government rantings of the average cabbi (very entertaining), got to hotel, had to pay £10 to check in at 1pm because official time is 3pm (Travellodge money-making scheme), then finally wandered off to get to my appointment.

Can't remember now what I was thinking but I was pretty nervous, although I think I'd got most of it under control and had spent so much time going over everything in my head that there wasn't much else to think about!

Was early and ended up sitting waiting for my appointment and got talking to a lovely, beautiful and interesting woman whose name I've completely failed to remember. If you're reading this and you were at there around 2:30 on Friday; it was fantastic to chat to you and really helped my nerves, and get in touch :)

Dr Curtis was lovely as usual, and just asked how everything was going and how things had progressed since seeing him last. Explained everything that had been going on and how supportive everyone had been. Then came the topic of hormones and he simply asked whether I would be wanting to start treatment to which I answered: "Definitely".

Decided to go for patches instead of tablets - there is, from what I understand little difference in effectiveness but not hitting my liver as hard seemed like a good idea (particularly in light of the drinking that came in the evening - see later).

So armed with 3 months supply of patches I left feeling quite happy but with a little feeling of anti-climax. So, the plan was to go and spend silly money on a ring to mark this point in time and also to apply the first patch. Well, thought I better do that first so located toilets in Debenhams (snobbish and practical - reasoned the nicer stores would have bigger and cleaner loos) and stuck what looks like a square of sellotape onto my tummy. Hmmm, very much an anti-climax really.

Can't say I felt particularly different at all, but definitely happy, if still a little thoughtful and overwhelmed by it all. But that was it, I had started and it was all very real now.

Met up with Deborah and Sue in the evening and then with some other friends in a pub somewhere near Kings Cross (was quite lost at this point), and proceeded to try and drink WAY too much on an empty stomach. This was followed by a small amount of staggering (and things spinning a little) until with found a really nice Italian restaurant when we could drink more wine and desperately try and counteract this with food!

Can't remember what time I got to bed, think it wasn't too late but I was fairly drunk by this point and really just not thinking about much at all. Was still able to send silly txt messages to Lucy so I can't have been *that* drunk!

Psychosexual Psychotherapist Appointment

Well I'd write lots about this now but I'm just about to rush out to get to Manchester for the summer do and I really can't concentrate on composing eloquent words at the moment.

Suffice to say the appointment went well, the lady I saw was really nice and let me ramble away for over an hour.