Photos everywhere!

I'm really pleased, in fact over the moon, that some of my photos seem to be making it to other sites and even real publications!

The first of these was Drapers magazine - the two pictures in the top left of the page are from the Fashion City York catwalk event and from the collection of images that I took there.
I also get to say that one of my images is in Vogue next month but that's just because it's being used in an advertisement for the fabulous Notice My Name; Jo who owns/runs the company (and makes the tea) was kind enough to send me a proof for this:
I also just did a shoot for the new products she's adding to her website so hopefully those images will be appear there soon (when I've got them processed).

Websites that I know about that are using my pictures include the following

• Fashion City York - the social page has pictures from the catwalk show, most of these were from the images I took. These are also mirrored on the FCY Facebook page.
  
• Discover Vintage are using a selection of my pictures from the York Festival of Vintage that was held at York Racecource on 30th April 2011. Some of the pictures are also used on the Festival of Vintage details page too.
  

If anyone knows of any other websites where my images are being used I would love to hear about them!

Just a word on copyright: if I get paid for images then things are fairly straight-forward; I still retain copyright (unless I get paid lots and lots :D) but essentially you can do what you like with the images.

Since this really is just my hobby I do almost all of my photography for free and for fun but this is where really the rules need to be followed. All the images are covered by a Creative Commons license (the exact details can be found on my website) which essentially says you can still do anything you like with the images but you MUST give credit and link back to my website. This seems a fair exchange for free images :)

Apparently it *IS* all about gender

I've been on Plenty of Fish for about a month now and not really had much success, though I'm not going to whinge nor get upset about that in particular (I still like a friends assessment that a site like this is a good way to "kiss alot of frogs").

My profile didn't, until recently, mention the fact that I am trans, I honestly and totally believed that this was patently obvious from the pictures I'd uploaded. There are two very clear shots of my face with no editing or clever lighting, and I thought these should be enough for me to be read.

Apparently I was wrong (which is in many respects a good thing) and I've had two slightly upsetting reactions from people when they have realised, though really I shouldn't have been surprised as the old adage about "if something is too good to be true, it probably isn't" definitely applied in both cases.

In the first incident the woman concerned simply stopped chatting, no explanation, no "sorry, I'm not interested", just disconnected!

So, I added a paragraph to my profile explaining that I'm a trans-woman but that I don't make a big deal out of it.

When someone then started chatting/flirting with me after that point it didn't occur to me that they might not have read my profile so I just assumed they really did like me (well, okay I still had some doubts, I have never in my entire life had anyone just declare that they thought I was hot or attractive in any way). But, no, just another case of me not being read.

I can understand someone not liking how I look, or my hobbies, personality, in fact any number of things. Certainly for on-line dating you're pretty much just going on looks and I really don't think I'm stunning enough in any way to attract lots of people to read my profile. Again, I don't have a problem with this, I make exactly the same judgements on people I look it.

I think what is upsetting is when all of that seems fine; someone has looked at real pictures of me and decided they do like what they see. Then they chat a little and like what they hear (or read I guess). Everything can be fine right up until the point where you say "I'm trans" and then it's all different. That hurts. Nothing else matters from that point on, it's all completely over-shadowed and there's that awkward silence where I just know the other person is trying to get away as fast as possible.

What a horrible and insensitive way to treat someone.

Thankfully not everyone is like that so I have had some quite nice chats with people and I'm very grateful for that. I'm also immensely thankful for the wonderful and supportive friends I have - you're all fab!

Even more photography and other stuff

Okay, I'm still a little swamped with shoots that I need to process and have been busy all weekend so have not got anything done at all!

I'm hoping this week is going to be more organised however as I intend to make a concerted effort to get into work much earlier, having got things ready the night before.  This should mean I can get more things done in the morning (when it's cooler in the office for a start) and then leave slightly earlier so I can feel less rushed with all the stuff I have to do at home.  Well, that's the theory anyway :-)

Should also help in the coming weeks as there are several events on in the evening and getting back earlier means I can get, myself sorted for them - the cycling thing means lots of changing and showers which is immensly time-consuming!

Anyway, hopefully I can get into a nice routine and get some proper, regular sleep as well, rather than the mad, lat nights I seems to have been having - all sounds rather boring and routine but it make sense, trust me :-)

Lots of Pictures!

I've come to the conclusion that the photography is really an all-consuming and quite serious hobby and it's something I've enjoying more and more. I should probably also say that the more I learn the more I realise I have more to find out and try. Which is fab because I have so much fun with it all!

Anyway, I've had lots of opportunities for photography over the past month or so, I'm still processing two sets of pictures but for now I've uploaded the ones from the corset shoot in the Museum Gardens in York and also the several hundred pictures from the York Festival of Vintage event.

It's Not all about Gender

It probably looks like I just spend my life moaning and whinging about how unfair everything is and that I'm hard done by, and that my entire life revolves around my gender and everything related to that.

Really, it's not like that at all. I don't think about it, I really don't want to talk about it, there are far more important things to be doing with my time than obsessing about who I am. That is now a done deal, it's been figured out, and, short of ongoing treatment and everything related to that, it's a minor consideration now compared to so many more interesting aspects to my life.

Lots of Knocks

While I have done some really enjoyable things over the past month (photography at the Fashion City York catwalk show, my birthday party, Legoland with my son, more photoshoots, the Festival of Vintage) I seem to have had a few knocks as well which really have left me feeling a bit down.

I was prompted to write this post now after my son didn't want to speak to me on the phone. I hardly get to talk to him as it is and when I can call is so limited given everything he does and the times when he's 'busy'. I think what gets to me is that him not talking is so 'acceptable'. Not wanting to talk to me is 'understandable' and that is something I have to accept. Of course it's my fault after all.

It's much easier to justify certain behaviour when you can allocate blame: if I'm in the wrong that makes me bad and others actions are 'good' by default. This kind of reasoning is typified by the premise that I have 'done' something - I have made a concious decision to be 'bad' and therefore all consequences are to be expected and accepted.

None of this take into account my feelings and how upset I am. Nor does it really do anything to deal with the, quite complicated, reality of what has happened. There are only so many times I can apologise for the way I am, this really isn't my 'fault', it's something I ultimately had no control over.

My partner and I split last week as well, amicably and by mutual agreement but that kind of thing still upsets and hurts. Last week just seems to have been a horrible week with me feeling down about the split and lots of other things that are bothering me.

I guess everyone has ups and downs and there are lots of things I am very grateful for I could just do without my confidence and emotions being knocked about so much at the moment.