I got my results from the blood test I had last week which are important given that it's the first check of my levels since starting hormones and will be used by Dr Curtis on Friday to figure out if I need more/less/different medication.
I can't say that I really understand all of the numbers but there is one thing worth bearing in mind; when I had my original tests done it was in my old name and gender and everything was 'normal', now it's the new me and everything is still 'normal' but that obviously means something completely different!
Obviously I need Dr Curtis to explain what all the numbers mean and whether there needs to be any changing in the hormones I'm taking (I am quite a high dose now anyway), but it does look like my levels have adjusted properly and this would explain what I have been going through over the past weeks/months. In some ways I hope I don't need any adjustments to what I'm taking as it's not entirely pleasant as it is!
I do feel quite good about the results and it's making me feel like this is more real - which is pretty scary and encouraging at the same time. I'm starting to feel that my body is (slowly) becoming more feminine, even if it is just small changes at the moment and there is still a long way to go. I think the more noticeable the change the better, in some ways, that I will feel.
It is beginning to dawn on me that this is really happening and that in itself is a strange feeling. I have done everything that I needed to to get to this point but I don't think I ever really believed it would happen. I guess I just thought that nothing much would change and that the tiny bits of sellotape I've been sticking to myself would have no affect.
Thinking about this I feel that I'm slowly changing what I do, how I dress, act, etc from something that is an act in a way, an imitation, to the real me. I guess I feel more justified to dress and be how I am now that there are actual physical/mental changes. I still worry about how I come across (so need to work on my voice, etc) but am now more relaxed in some ways because I feel less like I have to try to be something than I am that thing anyway ... just very new at it.
Hmmm, rambling now! More when I have something interesting/useful to say!
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2 comments:
The more that time goes by, the more you will feel like the real you. Keep 'taping', and dont worry if Curtis does change your dosage even if he lowers it. He knows what he's doing. Good luck with that on Friday!!
I went through the same process, first set of results, et al, a month or so back. If you ask Dr C to explain the results, he will.
Good luck :)
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