Sunday, 11 May 2008

Bit disappointed in myself

On the positive side I did manage to cycle over 20miles today which has hopefully helped with my fitness, weight loss, and general well-being (not least of which as I seemed to have skipped lunch so that'll mean the ice cream I have tonight won't be such a big deal).

When I got back I tried to sort myself out and made an attempt to look good - I was really struggling to find anything summery to wear, particularly shoes - I haven't many that are suitable and the few (literally one or two) that could be considered to fit the bill aren't comfy. The weather then intervened and we've had thunder and lightening so foot-wear is no longer a problem; boots will do :D

I really can't get my make-up right but the main bit that's wrong is where I have to use concealer to cover the dark shading on my chin and the mess I've made of my upper lip trying to almost shave the hairs out of existence. I just know it looks horrible and I feel terribly self-concious about it. Oh, and I stupidly tried to put on liquid eye-liner; I have made this work before but frankly it was a dumb thing to try when I'm not feeling confident, and the results predictably needed to be removed.

So I spent ages getting sorted and then thought I should go out and at least try and have my first real out and about experience in the UK. I only had 30mins to get over to the shops (I wanted to go into Boots or M&S - places where there are things I can look at without feeling everyone is looking at me). Sadly I didn't get there in time, everything was starting to close and I basically chickened out.

I suppose at least I did walk out of the flat, and to/from the car and drove around but it still feels disappointing and I really need to make more of an effort to over-come things that are holding me back. I think I will look into the laser hair removal clinic in Manchester, they provide free consultations and appear to be open on Saturdays. If I can zap all the hair on my face then I'll hopefully not have to worry about caking on the concealer etc and can concentrate on make-up to accentuate things such as my eyes which even I'll admit to liking when suitably adorned with liner and mascara.

So a long way to go I think, what I need right now is lots of compliments and attention - male or female, I'm not choosy at the moment, just people to say nice things about how I look! And I'd like to start stomping on all the male behaviour and things I much prefer feeling female so I need to make more of an effort to achieve that.

Update: Here's a scarey close-up:

2 comments:

Jessica Hart said...

Sorry to hear about the disappointment - as you say you did get out, so pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and promise yourself better next time?

Liquid eyeliner is a bugger; MAC fluidline is a good substitute as its a gel - looks look liquid once its on but more controllable during application.

MoonBaby said...

Your lip gloss is very pretty. :)