Not a happy Christmas

I'm not sure what to say and I am just too upset for words really and on the edge of crying constantly but I guess if I at least try and write down what has happened it will explain, maybe make things worse, maybe make me feel bad as I think of the consequences. Sometimes things just hurt those involved so badly but there isn't anything you can do, it is just that way, no matter how much you wish it wasn't.

I have split up with Rachel.

The timing couldn't have been worse. As I write this I can see the mess I have made of Christmas and New Year for both of us. This season is just wrecked, completely and totally. It's a hideous, horrible, time now, all plans are out of the window, everything we might have done to have fun will not happen - the people we were going to see, the things we were going to do.

All ruined because of me, I was the one who ended the relationship.

I really don't have words to describe how I feel, sad, lonely, alone, isolated probably don't even come close. Confused as well, not sure what to do, and where to turn.

The finality and impact of the decision really hit home when I saw how fast the news appeared on the various social networking sites ... not only have we split up we have now had that made 'official' by Tweets, change in FaceBook status, and now this blog entry.

I really don't know what else to say. I need to try and get some sleep I guess before I can face the reality of this tomorrow. I'm not sure I want to face it, not sure I can deal with this Christmas anymore.

Back home from Pride

I have to say that the parade was fabulous and at times very moving, I had tears in my eyes because of some of the groups there and the slogans on the flags or placards. There were also notable people that were just so sweet and nice like the guy who helped me up onto the wall so I could see the parade better or the girl that just stopped me in the street and told me, completely sincerely, that she thought my boots looked fab.

There was also the general atmosphere and fun of just being in a place where everyone is totally accepting or, at the very least, has seen much odder things than me and won't stare or be shocked.

But I didn't start the day well and it wasn't an entirely pleasant end either having to endure a complex train then bus journey home with very loud and drunk football fans, some of whom made a few comments, I'm guessing they were about me though I could be paranoid. I did have a lovely chat with a girl on the train who had had an even more complex trip up from London and talking about all sorts of things meant that part of the journey flew by.

Also I left earlier than planned because I lost touch with the few people I knew that were at Pride and could no longer take wandering around on my own and feeling like the only sad and unwanted single person there. I think next year I should at least plan ahead and go with friends.

All in all it was definitely a worthwhile experience and I have (hopefully) some fantastic pictures of the parade and a few other shots that might be decent enough to publish, I'll post them tomorrow. Now, I need to get to bed and rest my aching feet!