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This isn't a big rant or problem but a thought just occurred to me that I thought I should share. I'll qualify it by saying that, in fairness, in any split, parents do try and do what they feel is best for their kids and, as I've mentioned previously, there may be some disagreement as to what is the right approach, and this is particularly pronounced, unfortunately when it comes to seperations involving a transgendered partner.

What did strike me is that I can't just see my son. I know I use to travel alot and didn't get to see him for long periods of time but I guess there wasn't a problem because I knew, if I really wanted to I could kick up a fuss and just go back home.

Now I find myself, on a lovely bright, spring (well nearly) day and I can't just decide "lets go out on the bikes", he's just not there, or I'm not there to be more precise to just do things like that. Everything has to be organised and agreed.

I don't think anyone realises just what a priviledge it is to have their child there all the time, or if they do, what it must feel like to have that taken away. Hmmm, I think sometimes it's best not to realise what you have lost, it hurts less that way.

Seeing my son ...

... or not at the moment.

There have been lots of ups and downs this week but mainly downs unfortunately. It started when B suggested that I bring our son back from Legoland a day earlier so that he had time to calm down before going back to school the next week. This conversation got a little nasty as I got blamed for being the reason he is so upset and not able to sleep over at friends and generally being quite and unhappy.

Things got much worse when I had another call from B saying that I couldn't see my son this weekend as planned. The reason given is that he is very upset after seeing me for a weekend and overall has been quite and withdrawn and this, according to B is because of the transition that I am going through and how I am presenting to my son, i.e. in female clothes, make-up etc.

I can't deny that how I look and act is probably quite confusing for him but I'm not trying to hide anything from him and always attempt to answer any questions he has as honestly as possible. But I've still not had the long, complicated talk about "daddy is becoming a woman" because I don't think he can understand that properly. I do play as Princess Leia in Star Wars on the Wii though!

I was going to rant on some more about all of this but I've kind of run out of things to say and have had my thoughts derailed further (if that's possible) by a conversation with B just now which was alot more amicable and understanding on both sides. Sorted out the trip to Legoland and hopefully made some progress on other issues as well.

I feel alot happier now and back to my usual naive optimism that it will all work itself out nicely in the end. This is probably just not realistic but I can't let go of the hope that it could happen.