Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Counting and Caterpillars

This is slightly out of date now, but when I came up with the title for this blog post it was very relevant. And yes, it's been way too long since I updated this blog, particularly as I've had so much I could have written in it, both good and bad. Maybe I will get a chance to keep up the updates over the coming days, I certainly hope so.

To explain the title: I'm currently counting down the weeks, well now days, until I have surgery. I am not going to go into what I'm having done since I don't feel I want to disclose and discuss that. What is significant is that I've never had an operation before, well, not one where I have had a general anesthetic. Of all the times I have been in hospital before I have been pretty-much on edge and freaked out by the whole experience; I do not deal with medical stuff well at all.

I am pretty much completely petrified by the prospect of my operation, which is now, as I write this, less than a week away. I'm constantly going over it in my head and essentially worrying/fretting/thinking about it all the time to the point where it's making me dizzy sometimes. I suspect that this will only get worse the closer the actual date approaches. I'm normally fairly switched-on, quick-witted (well I like to think so), and vivacious, but I'm just so preoccupied that I'm none of those things at the moment. I can't concentrate on anything nor do I feel like doing that.

None of this is helped by the fact that, in preparation, I had to stop all medication which meant that I went slightly nuts for the first week or two until a temporary injection kicked in and restored the balance somewhat. Generally though I've not felt that good off my normal meds and while I'm sure it can be worse for others in a similar situation, I will be very glad to get back on track after my operation.

So, not a fun time, though certainly could have been worse and I'm equally definite that, if all goes well next week, this pain, and the discomfort ahead will be worth it in the end. I have to admit to some degree of excitment at getting things sorted out and the, hopefully, positive impact it will have on my life. I just have to get through the next few weeks and months and get myself back to normal, or, better than that in fact.

Oh, yes, the caterpillar thing: I spent a week or so not sleeping very well and constantly waking up feeling like I was wrapped in a pupa of bed sheet! Sadly I think there is no metaphor here; I'm not likely to emerge as a beautiful butterfly, but I'll be happy enough to be a more relaxed and together caterpillar :)

1 comment:

SC said...

I think it doesn't matter what operation it is, people will always worry about it. When I had an op a few years ago I realised I was just worrying - taking something out of my control and acting as though every single superstition could curse me. Whereas in reality I was in the hands of highly skilled professionals who have done this operation many times, without too many problems, and any problems I did have, they have seen before a dozen times and know how to deal with.

Stop worrying, and start looking forward to the new life ahead. Imagine the good things that will happen: dinner at Delrio's to celebrate, getting yourself back on track, and pointing your life in the direction you want it to take.

Treat this more as a positive step. It's not the end of the world, merely another river to be crossed in the journey of life. And when you get over there, the grass may be greener, and it may not be. But the air will smell sweeter for knowing the distance you've travelled.

There are still many things left for you to do. New friends to make, new things to learn, new challenges to conquer. This is merely another stepping stone on the way. It's not the end of the story; merely the end of one chapter - and the start of a new one.

Best wishes and good luck Fiona!