Friday, 9 October 2009

Get over it

A friend of mine posted on her blog about been dazed and confused following the fact that her wife of many years has moved out of the family home. This was the arrangement they agreed on because of the tension caused by my friend's trans issues and was meant to be an occasion for relief, maybe even joy, at the freedom it bestowed. Instead my friend feels sad and lonely and the impact seems to have been nothing like she expected.

There is a very valuable lesson here: while logic and pragmatism may dictate changes in your life it is impossible to use any reasoning to prevent what you may feel. You can't walk away from a long term relationship without being upset about it, nor can you just turn off caring about someone who you loved and have many happy memories with.

I guess this is something that everyone learns in life sooner or later but it is worth bearing in mind in the case of those thinking of transitioning and the people around them. Someone's need to transition is compelling and may seem to exclude all other thoughts and feelings but that is not the case. Everyone concerned will go through so many emotions and, while there is nothing you can do to prepare for that, you can't dismiss it and claim that "it won't happen to me", it will.


chrissie said...

I'll second that, cariad...


Louise Connolly said...

and I'm still confused by the whole experiance 21 days and counting..

right now I can't see the solution.. U turn maybe?

MY SO appears to be enjoying the situation, so while thats going on, no way will she come back, no matter how many compromises we can agree on..
thanks for your thoughts Fiona..
xxx L