Friday, 1 August 2008

Pride goeth ...

... before a fall.

I've always tried to live by that saying and not get too carried away and proud of things because, from experience there is always something lurking in your future ready to knock you down again. So being humble and trying not to make outrageous claims is always something I've tried to do (not always that successfully I might add).

I had a reminder of this saying yesterday while talking to my Mum. Just to step back a little at first; I have achieved a few things recently and was feeling quite please with myself and had even posted on a forum that I didn't need counselling as I was quite happy and in no need of help in that respect. Several people suggested that counselling would be beneficial for me as well as family to get us through all of this. No, I didn't listen, I though everything would be fine.

I was wrong, so, so, wrong.

I talked to my Mum last night and mentioned about getting my ears pierced over the weekend which then obviously started us on the topic of my transformation. She said that my Dad was not dealing with this and would not accept it. He had been avoiding talking to me, and wouldn't answer the phone to me - well he would if he had to but avoided it.

I kind of guess that he wasn't happy but to have it spelled out like that was a shock.

I asked my Mum was she thought and she said she also wasn't happy and couldn't understand why I was doing this and felt that I had given up so much (family, son, etc) and thought that this was too high a price to pay. She felt that, as a parent, I should be giving up anything and everything for my son.

We talked some more and I tried to explain that this was me and I couldn't change that - I felt comfortable being dressed as a woman. I also tried to explain that there was more in the world than just the 'normal' things and that I felt this was an amazing thing. I also tried to explain that I could understand that the world was a cruel place and that I might not be accepted easily and that this may cause problems for my son and B, but on the other hand I felt that people should be tolerant and by me being open and honest about me I hoped that they would find it easier to understand.

I can't really think of more to write about this now, I feel it would just be waffle anyway. I'll think some more and add entries later when I've understood this more.

I think it's pretty clear that I really do need counselling because this is going to be way more complicated, confusing and painful than I could ever have imagined.

No comments: