Monday, 11 February 2008

Jealous, unhappy, tired, confused

Where do I start?

Well I think the late nights have finally caught up with me. I need to have a good routine and I need to have things to keep my mind occupied so that it doesn't go wandering off and start worrying about everything under the sun. So if I don't get the right amount of sleep, irregular meals and not enough things to keep me busy I start to get, for want of a better word, confused.

Add to that the general confusion that I'm feeling because I'm away from home and can think freely about the girlie stuff. Almost as soon as I got here I was thinking about what I should do in my life and seriously considering heading further down the TG path. Actually "thinking" may be too strong as it implies planning, maybe "wishing hard" might be more accurate.

So what about the unhappy bit? Well, I'm getting much more critical about myself, for example, a friend of mine mentioned that my skin wasn't ideal, this is true, but it's bothering me more and more that I can't look how I want to look.

Jealous - well that's obvious, I see other TG people who are so much better looking and confident than me, and I see GG (Genetic Girls) who I just wish I could be like - I just want that to be me!

The thing is, when I'm at home or when I'm busy in the middle of interested and distracting work I don't think these things as much, I'm more content, but I still wonder whether I really should start seriously looking at moving forward before it's too late and I end up regretting not doing something, anything to sort myself out.

Lots of thinking needed.

No comments: