What are we teaching our kids?

I was reading Fireman Sam to my son last night and this particular book is starting to annoy me. The page in the pic is the penultimate one and the last page reads 'oh, Sam, you've saved the day again - our hero!' and show Sam putting the fire out from the relative safety of the platform on the fire engine. But who was it that saved Mandy by climbing up a later against a burning building? That would be Penny! So, surely *she* saved the day, or at the very least it was a team effort! How sexist can you get! I mean Penny did all the dangerous work and doesn't even get a mention! All Sam did was point his hose at the fire and then take all the credit! Grrr - makes me mad anyway! :D

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Fantastic, I've got the mobile blogging thing working again :D

In a galaxy far far away ... (chapter IV)

Okay, about time I explained a bit about how I got into the complicated life I have today! And it seems apt that I do it with a Star Wars theme as the prequels aren't really that relevant and I'll have to knock up some special effects to make them exciting.

So, it's 2006, I'd been going through the whole purging cycle for the past few months and still very much in the depths of denial, in fact January sees me acting completely normal with plenty of work things to keep me occupied, in fact was over in NZ for 2 weeks busily working away and I find out I'm going to be back in the UK for 1 week and then away in Utah for 3 and I need to sort out my passport (had less than 6months to run) when I get back.

I don't know why but when I got back to the UK something in my head went ping and all of a sudden I had the most desperate urge to go buy a load of clothes and just get dressed up! So I did - on my way over to Liverpool to get the passport sorted! I also made the concious decision that, this time, no purging, I was going to see this out until the bitter end and figure it out once and for all!

I really don't know why I suddenly snapped like that, and I'm not sure what made me decide to move forward with the whole crossdressing (since that's all it was at that point) thing, but that is the point where life changed I guess.

I also probably did was of the stupidest and, at the time embarassing, things in my life; I'd just bought, among other things, a pair of boots and for some reason I decided it would be a fun idea to drive to Liverpool in these, walk to the passport office, then walk all the way into Liverpool city centre, still wearing boots with a 2" heel which I wasn't at all practised in walking in!

I also believe these boots were magical: they had a special curse on them which amplified the walking sound to almost deafening levels! I even got wolf-whistles and a few rowdy comments from some builders along the way (bear in mind that I'm in bob-mode here, apart from the boots under my jeans).

Okay, finally got to the city centre and got the boots off - too embarassing and uncomfortable (though I have to say they fit perfectly now, having had the intensive wearing-in session). I bought a load more clothes (fairly randomly) as well as a pair of maroon boots and then it was back home to surreptitiously park all this into my suitcase without anyone noticing. Then off to Utah.

While there I bought more clothes and started reading, and posting on various forums and even started posting pictures of myself (alot of these are still on Flickr, right at the beginning, and are pretty hideous).

I was still pretty much in the closet and very naive and inexperienced with everything about the transgender issues and had no real idea yet what was going on, though, as I continued to have trips away and the opportunity to experiment with clothes, make-up and got more feedback from my pictures*, I was beginning to realise that this wasn't going to go away and it was something that couldn't stay hidden either!

So, around about the middle of the year I decided that I had to confess all to my wife of 5years in the naive expectation that this was the right thing to do and, in the long run would all be fine and we'd all live happily ever after; though I can see now that even in this rose-tinted world I hadn't really thought what would happen.

And it was nothing like I imagined at all, in fact the complete opposite!

So I'll save all the gory details to the next chapter, it's kinda like Empire Strikes back in many ways; more pain and suffering though I don't believe anyone actually got frozen in carbonite, well, maybe metaphorically!

Problems/things I want to do

Well, here's a first attempt at getting down some of the things that are currently causing friction at home, it's also coincidentally almost a mini-list of things I want to try and do and achieve:

• Growing my nails - having tried the glue-on variety I decided it would be better (and less messy) to just grow mine and then get them done (probably when I go to Sparkle)
• Eyebrows - really I don't think anyone looks good looking like Hairy McScarey no matter whether they are male/female/other!
  
• Hair - I once tried to grow my hair long as a student with disastrous results! However now I am familiar with the concept of conditioner and hair stylists I'd like to have another stab at it!
• Sparkle - I *AM* going this year! About time I met up with everyone I chat to online and had a fun time!
• "Me" - I want to be me more, I don't like the person I have to be and would much prefer being the me I want to be more and more! Think it's maybe time I went to talk to someone about this!

Okay, some of the above is a bit vague I guess. I think I'll have to rewind a bit and post about what has been happening over the last few years - I'll do that later, I really should get on with some work now!

Hi Honey, I'm Home!

Well, after the rather drunken post I didn't really get a chance to write any blog entries as I was busy packing and sorting everything out for flying back to the UK. FYI: didn't have a bad head in the morning after trying (and apparently failing) to drink myself into oblivion!

Packing took Friday night and a little bit of Saturday morning and resulted in one very heavy suitcase (with almost zero bob-mode clothes in it) and a suit-bag that almost wouldn't fold in half it had so much stuff in it!

Saturday I went for a wander around to kill time before going to the airport, managed to get a few shots of myself; looking both a bit winds-swept (and interesting?) and puzzled - this later look being down to the fact that it was quite bright and sunny and I forgot to take my sunglasses out. Anyway, you can see the pics on my Flickr page, here's one I really like:
So, had to finish my wanderings eventually and get to the airport where I found that the luggage was 27kg over weight (and that's even after stuffing some things into the box my mountain bike was going back in!). Just to put this into perspective, the allowance on Zoom for cattle-class is only 20kg so I had 47kg in actual fact which isn't *that* bad (considering the number of clothes and shoes in there).

Flight wasn't too bad but I can never get comfy and sleep properly on planes. Watched a good film on the flight, Juno, which was quite amusing and moving. Think I dozed through the rest of the flight so didn't get to see any other films.

Finally got back home on Sunday quite tired, jet-lagged and hungry (you don't get much to eat on these flights). And at that point I think I'll leave it there and post again when I've collected my thoughts on being back home!