Facing redundancy

I guess this isn't surprising news given the current state of the economy or job market in general but I now find myself in the position of possibly being made redundant from my job next week (the final decision on who is going has not been made as yet, at least the company has given us all a chance to prepare).

The reasons behind all of this and the impacts from a practical point of view for anyone, and my specific situation, are obvious and there is no need to really labour the point here. Losing your job sucks no matter who you are the the affects and remedies are pretty much the same; get another job quickly or you are in serious financial trouble.

I've obviously been thinking of what has happened in terms of my transition and how that has added a different twist to things. For a start my current employer is the one who supported me when I started my transition last year and for that I am eternally grateful. In some ways part of the new me is linked to the company and more importantly to the office and people where I worked since it was mainly them that have been such a great help in getting me through the past months.

So it feels a little strange to be potentially no longer part of that environment and thus almost losing some of what made my life what it is (this is obviously true for everyone else that will be affected by the job losses but for more conventional reasons).

In some ways change, as my friends have said to me, can be a good thing. There is certainly nothing I can do about losing my job if it comes to that, I just have to face the challenges that presents and have to admit it isn't without a degree of anticipation, new things can be exciting as well as frightening.

Of course one of the issues I will face is being transsexual and looking for a job in my new identity, something I have not had to do so far. Legally there should be no prejudicial treatment of me based on gender or the fact that I am transsexual but the reality is there could well be. I think it would be stunningly naive not to think that people are routinely discriminated against in the basis of race, age, appearance, or gender to varying degrees. Certainly when you have a job already it is a much better position to fight that kind of thing then when you are trying to gain employment.

I am optimistic that this should not present too much of a problem though. For a start I work in IT which is, at least anecdotally, supposed to be one of the most tolerant professions in general when it comes to transsexuals (or any minority for that matter). Also, while some complain of problems finding work because they are transsexual, I have spoken to several friends who have not found it a barrier in the slightest.

On a lighter note I have looked at the two possibilities and come to a happy conclusion; 1) I lose my job, I need to attend interviews, I need a new suit, 2) I keep my job but will likely do more travelling to client sites, therefore I need a new suit. So I really do need to go shopping at the weekend!

An embarrasment of friends ...

... or embarrassed friends?

I just sent an e-mail to one of my friends explaining the reasons behind the split between my wife and myself. It's actually really hard to write down words like "cross-dresser" or "transvestite" as they seem to clinical and, in some strange way, "wrong". The wrongness is two-fold, for one thing I think these words make what they describe sound bad, almost perverse, so I'm kind of condemning myself by using them, but also I do feel that they over-simplify what I feel I am or want to be.

It's also quote scarey putting down in black & white what has been happening, particularly for friends who I haven't seen in a while or that I'm not entirely sure how they would react or what their views were about such things.

So far one of my friends, who my wife actually talked to about all this, has not been in touch with me. This is not entirely a surprise as most of our meetings revolve around the kids so it's usually coordinated by the Mums. However, from the description of the reaction I suspect that I have lost that friendship now or it's seriously damaged at the very least (on the plus side I guess my wife gains ally in some respects which does seem somewhat "fair").

I guess all I can do is wait and see how people will react to this.

It just occurred to me that the above does sound rather melodramatic, apologies if it is, it wasn't meant to be, I'm not intending to come across as some sort of drama-queen here :D

On a lighter note my Dad said yesterday that, if I got the chance to travel to Vancouver again that him and my Mum would love to come over (if my wife and son didn't) as long as I made sure I hung up all my dresses out of the way first!

Nailed!

I'm trying to grow my nails and hair. At the moment the hair just looks a mess, in fact this is it's natural state anyway as it goes all curly. I'm hoping that this is actually a good thing as it will, for day-to-day wear, just look like a mass of curls and then can be straightened and miraculously turn into a fab girlie style (yes, I'm living in cloud-cuckoo land at the moment).

The nails however, from my POV, are doing okay, not ideal but getting there and if I can stop breaking them or subjecting them to unpleasant environments - like anything related to DIY or my bike, they may start to look okay. They are way past what would be considered 'male' length and are pretty much noticeable, but no-one had really bothered to notice ... until Tuesday!

I've just moved onto a new team and I'm sat in between two guys, one of which, can't remember who, asked "So what's going on with your nails?", which then started a mini-inquiry with several lewd suggestions as well as one that is possible correct but for the wrong reasons!

I was a little embarrassed by all the attention but it thankfully passed when someone else said or did something way more embarrassing. Hopefully the subject will no longer be as important and I shouldn't have a repeat inquisition.

Strangely, and thankfully, no-one has noticed that, from Wednesday I haven't been wearing my wedding ring.