Friday, 15 August 2008

It just got too much

Not really sure what happened and what triggered everything and I had so many ideas flying through my head that it would be impossible to remember them all let alone write them down here.

I think the initial thing that triggered me to go a little insane yesterday was B and our son getting back to the UK after their holiday; I didn't realise it was yesterday they got back, I assumed that it would be later in the week. Was a little shocked when I saw B online and I think at that point a bit of reality hit home; I'd had two weeks of almost constant Fiona-ness and no concerns about having to 'clean' myself up to see my son. Also the fact that I have small silver studs in my ears and that this could very well cause a huge argument and problem for me when B sees them also started to sink in.

So when I got back home I was feeling quite confused and had a glass of wine that was then followed (not too quickly thankfully, I'm not an alcoholic or anything quite yet) by some sweet concoction made from the only remaining alcohol in the flat.

I didn't really get that drunk but did sit and watch several episodes of The L Word which were pretty moving so I had a good cry about those. Got in bed to have an early night and just felt like listening to some music instead of reading an started off with Sarah McLachlan and Jann Arden and similar things - and then started to cry uncontrollably for no reason (yeah, okay, listening to "Fallen" is probably a good trigger).

Felt okay this morning (not hung-over or anything) but decided that I needed to do something to give me a bit of a confidence boost so got dressed up a little, did my hair, make-up etc and went for another inch of heel height!

I might post a pic later if I feel brave enough - don't look 100% as my eyes have been very itchy and red due, I suspect, to hayfever and cycling to/from work which just mucks up my skin.

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