Monday, 28 April 2008

An embarrasment of friends ...

... or embarrassed friends?

I just sent an e-mail to one of my friends explaining the reasons behind the split between my wife and myself. It's actually really hard to write down words like "cross-dresser" or "transvestite" as they seem to clinical and, in some strange way, "wrong". The wrongness is two-fold, for one thing I think these words make what they describe sound bad, almost perverse, so I'm kind of condemning myself by using them, but also I do feel that they over-simplify what I feel I am or want to be.

It's also quote scarey putting down in black & white what has been happening, particularly for friends who I haven't seen in a while or that I'm not entirely sure how they would react or what their views were about such things.

So far one of my friends, who my wife actually talked to about all this, has not been in touch with me. This is not entirely a surprise as most of our meetings revolve around the kids so it's usually coordinated by the Mums. However, from the description of the reaction I suspect that I have lost that friendship now or it's seriously damaged at the very least (on the plus side I guess my wife gains ally in some respects which does seem somewhat "fair").

I guess all I can do is wait and see how people will react to this.

It just occurred to me that the above does sound rather melodramatic, apologies if it is, it wasn't meant to be, I'm not intending to come across as some sort of drama-queen here :D

On a lighter note my Dad said yesterday that, if I got the chance to travel to Vancouver again that him and my Mum would love to come over (if my wife and son didn't) as long as I made sure I hung up all my dresses out of the way first!


Anonymous said...

If you're not already familiar with it, I do wonder if exploring the principles of Labelling Theory would help explain why some words are just so inappropriate. Too often it's the baggage that's the problem.

Anyway, as I've read your story, the two words to which you've referred (cross-dresser and transvestite) are not applicable .... or have I got that wrong?


Fiona's Boots said...

It is true that I would prefer to think of myself as transgendered or even transexual (but at a very early stage) and I may even fit into those categories by other peoples definition as well.

I guess the only reason I used the terms "crossdresser"* or "transvestite" was that they are, in some ways, simpler to explain - jumping straight in at TS seems extreme at the moment for the purpose of explanation.

[* - apart from the negative baggage I really can't get away from the idea of someone getting awfully annoyed while putting on clothes when I use this term]

Anonymous said...

I've only recently come to your blog so I'm not au fait with your journey. However three things come to mind ...

1. You can't control what or who you are; the best you can do is to choose what you do about it and that's not always as easy as it seems.

2. In the early stages of one's journey there is often a wish to analyse or describe it with too great a degree of precision or understanding in an attempt to minimize the uncertainty. Sometimes one simply has to allow the story to unfold over time. Until you know more, there's nothing wrong with just saying “I don't know; I'm confused; I'm trying to understand these feelings; when I do, I can say more”

3.If you use inappropriate or pejorative words to describe yourself then might that contribute to other people having a less than wholesome view of you?