Apathy

You know how the joke goes, I was going to write about apathy but I couldn't be bothered. In some ways that is how I feel, uninspired to write anything as there isn't anything sufficiently interesting or upsetting to impart.

I read that one of the positive effects of taking spiroaldactone is that it can give you a feeling of well-being, I think this is inline with how people report feeling better once taking estrogen as well, I guess it's a hormone thing. This could be why I feel relatively relaxed or it could be simply that I'm just accepting more of what is happening and coming to terms with it.

In some ways it's disappointing as I seemed to have spent alot of time trying to sort my head out, then working on getting the treatment I need, and now there is a calm and somewhat boring period while I simply wait for the hormones to take affect and for my life to develop.

There are still lots of things for me to deal with but I guess I've just become a little complacent and am just reverting to my chilled-out self, running with a high level of optimism and denial as usual, almost like being in a dream. The reality is that I seriously need to sort out my voice, my life and my weight!

The last one is particularly worrying if I stop and think about it - I have put on quite a bit of weight and I have a huge appetite. I've just had to tear myself away from the fridge as I was going to grab some cheese or a bun with some flora on it, or I was even considering the bacon or burgers. I was also just tempted to eat the sandwiches I was making for tomorrow and my mouth is watering just writing about it all. I would blame the heat but that is meant to make you feel less hungry, I suspect it's all the medication. It's going to be hard to stick to a diet AND lose the weight I have.

So, where am I really? I guess I'm just meandering which I suppose is good, life could be so much worse, but then again, I think I need to seriously do something to make some more progress, otherwise, what was the point of all the pain and hurt that I, and others close to me, have already been through?