Wot you lookin' at?

No don't worry no trauma here, just a few observations, that's all! We had an unofficial works night out last night and, due to pressures of money (lack thereof), convenience, and the fact that I'm seeing my son today, I decided not to drink and just drove into town. Actually had a really fun night and was able to really see what was going on around me, remember it, and now comment.

[ Note: Anyone from work, don't worry, all secrets safe ... even the antics of a certain person who got impressively drunk :) ]

We stayed in one pub for most of the time I was out (left about 12) and there seemed to be the same crowd in there for most of the night so I think the first thing I noticed as that no-one really seemed to look at me. I guess I maybe got some looks from most people but after a while they were just obviously not bothered. This is, and really should be, the normal reaction from anyone: yes, I know I look different and I'm not that naive that I think I blend in, but I should still rate as "harmless" and "of no further interest" after a few looks.

Given we were sat at a table right in the route for the toilets I really didn't spot that many long, uncomfortable stares, again all good. There were however some people who did look a little bit two long. Nothing scary nothing that really got to me but, in one case at least noticeable by some of my colleagues who declared that I had an admirer.

Now if someone wants to eye me up that's fine, I'll even talk to anyone that is very pleasant and curteous. However, that's a far as it goes because, as I had to explain a few times that night, I'm not interested in guys, only girls, which makes me gay/lesbian by definition.

I honestly don't mind having to explain this because as evidenced by a) the supposed admirers, b) the assumption by my colleagues, and c) general on-line comments, advances, etc it is only natural to conclude that a woman wants to be with men, since I am a woman (or becoming one at least) therefore that's my preference. It's a perfectly natural conclusion to draw so if anyone is thinking it, don't worry, no big deal.

So why girls and not guys? Well, like alot of this stuff, it's just who I am, it's things built into my body and mind because of genetics, hormones (maybe not the current ones but the levels I had before), maybe even a little bit of socialisation and personal experience thrown in as well. I also suspect that it may have something to do with my past as well; I've spent the last few years trying desperately to get rid of a body I don't want and to make it look and feel how it should, so in some ways I'm totally biased against all the things I've wanted to change.

Hmmm, was just putting the labels on this post and came up with "Watching" which was a TV series in the late 80s early 90s. Anyone remember that?

Oh and one final point (since anyone from work has probably stopped reading this now): boobs (aka the girls) are still growing but not as fast as I'd want (obviously) and *still* hurt (this is meant to be a good think but doesn't feel it when my son accidently puts his elbow in them! Need extra padding).