Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Uncalled for!

B dropped my son off with me today after he had an appointment at the hospital, it's nothing serious at all but might need a little operation to sort out (would just be a local anesthetic). It's no big deal in the grand scheme of things but they said their is a small risk of cutting a muscle/tendon that could then cause more problems.

So the choice is do nothing and there should be no real issues, or do something that would
sort everything out completely but with some minor risk (as there is with any operation I guess).

So we started talking about it and I said we could maybe both go in so we could ask questions and then make a decision. B replied that we could only go in together if I cut my finger nails! I said that I didn't think that was something that should be dependant on me seeing my son's doctor! I said I would go in on my own if she felt that strongly about my appearance.

We then talked a little more about it and she said that I would say 'no' to the operation because I don't like hospitals! I thought that was totally uncalled for! True, I don't like hospitals, I think that's a pretty healthy (pun intended) view to have, but I wouldn't prevent my son from going there because I'm frightened of them!

Things then just went from bad to worse in the conversation with B dragging up things about me not phoning her Mum when she was giving birth to our son! I did phone her Mum, I can't remember what order I phoned people in (it was nearly 5 years ago) but I remember being just happy about it and phoning anyone I could!

B then accused me of not keeping her Mum up-to-date when B had a miscarriage a year ago - this was again, totally unfair as I definitely did phone her and keep her and everyone else up-to-date on everything about that!

Her parting shots where that I should remember that it's our wedding anniversary in less than a week and that we were married and that I was a husband once and that I should have told her about my 'secret' before we got married.

Yes, I know it's an emotional time for B with it coming up the the anniversary, with work, life, and everything ... but I have tried to explain countless times what I did and why I didn't tell her before (I didn't really know that I had a 'problem', thought it would go away etc) and we just seem to cover the same things over and over again and she never believes a word of it, even though I am trying to be totally honest with her.

There is nothing I can say or do that will help or explain and that is very frustrating - I can deal with her not wanting this 'me' and the separation and all of it ... but to be called a blatant liar and to not have my explanation at least accepted at face value is just ... well, it's just not right.

[ Yes, I know there is alot for her to come to terms with and I know this isn't easy ... I know all this ... it doesn't stop me feeling upset and frustrated about it ]

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